A Raging Titter

Kings Of Leon: Talahina Sky: 7 Alternate Titles For This Pile Of Shit That Calls Itself A Documentary

2012-01-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

I got overzealous and let the title say it all. If you haven't seen the Kings Of Leon movie, don't. If you have seen it, I'm certain a class action lawsuit is eminent. But in the mean by, enjoy this list of potshots.

7 Alternate Titles For The "Movie" Talahina Sky:

1. Don't Do Drussh Kidsh: Learn The Art Of Mixed Message Posterity Parenting With The Kings Of Leon!

2. Kings Of Leon: We're From Somewhere!

3. So Many Shitty Rock Songs: How Ignoring Irony Can Make Life Worth Drinking Again.

4. Kings Of Leon: The Foo Fighters Should Really Sue.

5. The Kings Of Leon And Other Things Black People Have No Interest In.

6. The Kings Of Leon: Average Rock Stars.

7. Unfit For The Likes Of Youtube: The Kings Of Leon Home Movies You Just Might Be Bored Enough To Watch!

We at Raging Titter hope this does not affect your viewing of this fine feature film. It's one in a million! Like Jesus!

Raging Titter Walkthroughs: World of Warcraft: Thunder Bluff Bank Location

2011-12-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like an idiot while playing WoW? The fact that you've googled a question about it means maybe you're letting it get in the way of other things. But what the hell, your here now so let's get into this walkthrough.

So you run in to the bank at Thunder Bluff and like most other banks in the game you expect guild bank access. It's the level of service you expect in a bank housed in a wigwam and run by talking cows. But wait, where is it? Is it one of the weird chests? No. Is it the ridiculously tall drum in the center? No!?!

Maybe it's something to do with your access. First, determine if you are in a guild. Unsure how to do that? Stop playing. Do something else. Go see if you can remember one of your kids' names. Arthas is not it. What's that? One IS named Arthas? Wow, you're a real asshole.

But you are in a guild, so where's this guild bank? Maybe your Guild Master doesn't have the accesses set correctly. Better get them on the horn and demand that this be handled immediately. It's the level of service you expect from a person who's real life first name you don't know. Resist the urge to call them at work. Write a short email. Don't look for an answer until after lunch.

The settings are correct. Do you think it's you? Maybe you're just not getting it? That's what it is. Is it possible that Blizzard forgot to put a Guild Bank in Thunder Bluff? No. It is impossible. It is you. You've wasted time, energy, and life on this Thunder Bluff Guild Bank crisis. And now you're just sitting there, waiting, to be told that the Guild Bank in Thunder Bluff is a large totem outside the bank. It was there the entire time.

Season 7: Episode 5: Entourage: Bottoms Up

2011-08-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

I've watched the first four episodes of Season 7 and I'm still waiting to be wowed. When Turtle's blossoming relationship is the most interesting thing going on, it's trouble. The more-sad-than-funny truth is that Entourage is not a show known for emotional complexity. Or emotion. Or even emo.

A few choice lines:

"Vagina is, like, my third favorite hole."

"I don't want kebabs, Bob."

"I like your vagina. Is that so wrong?"

There's a lot wrong here. Eric's relationship settles in around anal sex with his fiancee, Sloane. Vince's relationship hugs the curves and puts the pedal to the metal with some sort of genius porn star. She knows the square root of 69 or something. Drama and Turtle's relationships are nonexistent. They struggle with work. Ari's sex life becomes a struggle due to work. It's pretty fucking highbrow.

You should probably watch this episode if you've ever thought that instructions for anal sex could be googled like a recipe from foodnetwork.com.

(^******SPOILER*ALERT******^)

You're wrong.

Watch this episode if you've taken some roofies with some of Turtle's fine tequila.

So What's Coachella?

2011-04-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking. What's Coachella?

Coachella appears to be some sort of music festival. It was held on April 15, 16, 17 this year.

You are probably familiar with some of the bands performing at this festival.

This article explained the rest. You should absolutely read it. Because it is fucking crazy. No seriously, the article uses the term "milk sacs" as a stand in for "breasts".

Objects And Artifacts: Kenner Cares

2011-04-05T19:48:00.001-07:00

In 1984, Kenner desperately wanted you to know that they care. THEY REALLY CARE! I found this exceptionally emphatic message inside the instruction manual for something called the SPIROTOT. And I immediately noticed a lot of politically incorrect ideas. I know it was a "different time" and all that jazz, but we must hold corporations responsible for their products!

First, the use of the word "tender" is totally insensitive to vegans and vegetarians. When I read the word "tender", my brain immediately tacks on the phrase "all white meat chicken". I'm pretty sure that's true for most people. Don't eat meat? You're marginalized by the people at Kenner.

Next, the phrase "loving care" takes for granted the number of people who could be reading the manual and actively suffering from some flavor of attachment disorder. The words "loving care" may have no concrete meaning to people who never experienced this concept as children. The disconnect may even lead an afflicted parent reading the manual to commit a horrible act of child abuse in response to these careless words.

The final example is buried a bit in the text, but it's definitely filled with racism, xenophobia, and elitism. If a person does find a problem with the toy they are to "describe" the problem and mail that description to the address below. The people at Kenner very cleverly got around using the verb "write" but it is most definitely implied. What about illiterate people Kenner? What about immigrants whose first language isn't English and wouldn't know how to "write a description"? What about the poor who may have trouble affording the postage? And most importantly, what about the homeless. Homeless people would have quite a time including their address even if they successfully maneuvered all of your draconian steps!

Kenner cares!?! The fuck it does.

7 Possible Outcomes Of A Rabbit Eating Trix Cereal

2011-04-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

1. He starts bitching about how none of the cereal tastes like carrots. He writes an angry letter to General Mills. General Mills hires a mercenary to "take care of the problem".

2. He wakes up on Morpheus's ship. He then realizes it's officially the beginning of the end for Laurence Fishburne's career. He weeps uncontrollably.

3. He says "bro" a lot and becomes obsessed with Snooki's ab workout video. He meets Snooki at a personal appearance. They date for almost one year.

4. He shame eats a Cadbury egg. Then he shame shits the foil wrapper.

5. He reads website after website of conspiracy theories. He becomes convinced that the Subway restaurant chain is an Illuminati plot. He gets a job at Couisin's Subs.

6. He spontaneously transforms into a dog. This ruins all his subsequent family reunions. Rabbits like to feel comfortable in social settings.

7. He gets a giant erection. He falls in love with the girl rabbit of his dreams. She leaves him when the erection goes away. She says their relationship was built on lies. She gets custody of all 421 children.

7 Uncommon Myths About Saint Patrick

2011-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

We at Raging Titter are providing this list as a service to those of you who are deeply confused.

1. He was not "Ireland's greatest shake maker".

2. He is not, nor has he ever been, the patron saint of backseat pregnancies.

3. He did not drive "the sober" out of Ireland.

4. He is not the DJ or any other member of the 90s white hip hop group, House Of Pain.

5. He did not secretly write and direct all the Leperchaun movies.

6. He isn't the bro who snagged Kathy Ireland's virginity.

7. He most definitely is not the dude who puked so much green beer into the Chicago River that it stayed green for weeks.

Happy Saint Patricks's Day! Why not celebrate with self respect and dignity!?!

Midnight Phone Call: Gallagher

2011-03-13T03:24:00.001-07:00

When one indulges nostalgically about the 80s, a few things jump right up into the old consciousness. Just a few of those happy notions are: Cocaine, New Coke, Reagan, Punk Rock, Michael J. Fox films, Night Court, and the Dangermouse cartoon. Nothing, however, was as mysteriously popular as the prop comedian, Gallagher. The man made a living, making a mess.

Recently, the name Gallagher has held more than a tincture of controversy. He recently appeared (and abruptly disappeared in quite a menopausal alcoholic sort of way ) on Marc Maron's podcast. Reports point to more darkly political, racist, and homophobic moments cobbled together with jokes you might find on a popsicle.

This has all been particularly difficult on the actor, Peter Gallagher, who also shows up when you google "Gallagher" and has never smashed fruit with a ridiculous hammer.

It may have been this controversy that led Gallagher to call the Raging Titter hot line. It could have also been that he recently suffered a "minor" heart attack.

"The single greatest mistake of my career was my failure to recognize the evolution comedy is always undergoing as well as the increasing sophistication of comedy audiences. Additionally, even as a much younger man, I tended to remind people of the uncle that never touched them, but they kind of always expected would. What most people don't realize is that my kink is so specific that there's no place for children. My nightly sexual ritual proceeds this way: I'm in a diaper being rocked to sleep by a woman wearing the uniform of a catholic priest who feeds me a bottle of scotch while another woman in a furry outfit hangs upside down from a trapeze and masturbates me. There's no place for a child in that! And now you know where all my money went!"

"As far as the racist and homophobic aspects of my act, I was just reaching for controversy. I wanted to generate some buzz! It worked for Dice!"

"Unfortunately, the buzz created was less like bees to a flower and more like flies to shit. Truth is, I'm too narcissitic. And before you ask, it's the same for my political beliefs. People on the right pay for entertainment which excitingly reinforces their political identity. Look at Fox News! That's their Jon Stewart! I'm just trying to be their David Cross."

"I'm playing the blind man in a kingdom of people with one eye. This is how I'm artistically processing my career missteps. I've never had to struggle with relevance and meaning before. It's really frightening. I'm really trying to go beneath my own surface."

So what's next for Gallagher?

(Heavy Sigh)

"I don't know. Maybe I'll get that Mini-me guy to stand next to me and smash grapes with a dildo. Put it up on Funny or Die. You know why I dress like a homeless on stage now? The Sledge-o-Matic really stains clothing. I have to buy everything at thrift stores before I go on. I'm one of the working poor. Later. I gotta go wash this shit off."

There was ten minutes heavy breathing and light sobbing before the click. Also a lullabye.

Midnight Phone Call: Scott Walker

2011-03-06T00:53:00.000-08:00

Scott Walker Admits "Cross-Eyed Cartoon Dog" Look Is Strategy.

So Governor Scott Walker just called up the Raging Titter hot line and started chatting. We hardly had to ask him questions. He just went on like this for a while.

"I spent years learning how to face a camera so it looks like my I.Q. hovers just over 91. You have to relate to the people who got you elected. And it just so happens that a lot of my supporters are not retarded, but frequently are mistaken for retards. If I can look like a cross-eyed cartoon dog, then they know I get them. I feel their pain."

"The Tea Party is basically about insecurity. They feel insecure about everything. Money stopped flowing and they pulled their heads out of their asses just long enough to find someone to point the finger at. Give up? It's everybody else. It's the teachers and other public employees whose jobs aren't based on anything as shaky as the banking, investment and real estate industries. It's the people who look vaguely similar to people who attacked us. They don't take ten seconds to realize that treating every Muslim like a terrorist is like treating every Jew like a serial killer. You know, because of David Berkowitz. Am I going too fast for you?"

"We've got to change the way we handle money at both the governmental and personal levels. Before we spend money we must examine what the impact of the purchase will mean over a longer period. If you eat at McDonald's and Taco Bell everyday, you save money, but how much do the treatments for colorectal cancer cost in ten years? How much does insulin cost? What's a funeral going to go for in fifteen years? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves. Does the purchase make sense past tomorrow?"

"Anyway, I just think this whole thing will blow over as soon as everyone isn't so scared."

We caught our breath and asked the Governor if he was, in fact, on any kind of medication or illicit drugs.

"I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. Ha! That son of a bitch has balls made of pure platinum." Then he hung up.

We at Raging Titter hope this information is both useful and entertaining.

Walker also admitted a lot of crazy shady shit.

I Just Turned American.

2011-03-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

I seek mostly to amuse myself with the links and statements I put up on facebook, twitter, and even Raging Titter. And in all honesty, I seek to amuse myself with most of what I do. I rarely allow things to get too serious or political. If I think something is worth reading or thinking about, I'll toss it out there. I'm never looking to get into a flame war or real argument with anyone. To those of you that know me, I know that seems difficult to believe.

Part of me always wanted to be a comedian. I actively want to find that magical something that will break the tension in a situation and allow that peculiar feeling of "ridiculous epiphany" to overcome the heavy weight in the air that seems to linger around conflict.
But today, after seeing this video, I can't dismiss it as someone else's problem and I can't even make a joke. My coping mechanism has been stripped of all its power in the face of this type of undeniable hate. The ignorance and loathing in our country has reached a critical mass. I do not have the strength to stare directly into the face of it anymore.

I can't in good conscience allow myself to let Jon Stewart and his staff of writers (or any other comedians for that matter) take the responsibility for making me feel better about this. I can't joke around the thought anymore. I've been thinking something for nearly a decade that I've never said out loud. I've searched and searched for a political ideology, philosophy, or even fiction that would evaporate this thought. Some germ of an idea that would allow me to catalog this thought as a youthful product of my anti-authortarian personality. But I watched this video and I know now that it cannot be done.

Something is wrong with America. Somewhere along the line we got ourselves into another civil war.

And it's a lot less civil than a gun that shoots once every little once in a while.

I stood in the capitol building in Madison about two weeks ago. I heard protesters chant, "Our house!". I watched as the capitol rotunda filled with people demanding that they be heard by the people charged with representing them. It is as though they could not stand the idea that there would be taxation without representation. I saw people who felt powerless coalesce into something powerful. And then I saw and heard this action derided by people who often claim that government itself is "out of control".

There is an important difference between demanding the right to be heard and petition for the redress of grievances and the right to shout at someone because you don't like their religion.

Then there's this Tea Party thing. I'm confused by the sheer number of conflicting ideas this political ideology can sustain and still motivate its members into action. The historical reference the name makes seems antithetical to the politics of candidates elected from this movement. The Boston Tea party was a protest against the combined forces of tyrannical government and big business. How can they not see the contradiction?

Then I saw this video. It's about hate. Maybe it wasn't always about hate, but something like this is most definitely about hate and fear and aggression. This is the ugliest America I've ever seen. This is what rich, entitled, middle-class white power looks like.

We need better ideas to defeat this. We need better than better ideas. We need truly great ideas.

I see what I have to do. I see the person I have to be to cope with this and it scares me. I have to become more intellectually passionate while I maintain an emotional serenity. I have to make decisions about where I shop, what I buy, and how I spend my money based on more than my own comfort. I have to discover and honor my citizen identity. I have to become an example of what an American can be and not just someone bitching to no one in particular.

Charlie Sheen. Culture Warrior.

2011-03-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

Charlie Sheen has been done a great disservice by the media as of late. He has been characterized as a rambling, mentally disorganized, drug addicted piece of human trash. Charlie is none of these things. Charlie is the victim of horrifying cultural bigotry.

Charlie speaks a dialect of Hollywood regional jive that is not recognized by the majority as legitimate language.

In an effort to balance this subtle slander from the media, Raging Titter obtained quotes from an ABCnews.com story and had them translated by an individual fluent in both English and Sheen's Hollywood regional dialect. The results will surprise you.

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain." ("The Today Show.")

Charlie is a unique spirit. Sometimes he struggles with communication. This makes him feel alienated. Singing is his coping mechanism.

A Shamanic Ritual

"I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous." ("20/20.")

Charlie recently discovered he is directly descended of Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez, Sean Connery's character in the movie Highlander. He strives to live up to the example set by his ancestor.

Sheen Genes

"Duh, winning! It's, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c'mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn't even trying. I wasn't even warm." ("The Today Show.")

Charlie doesn't like putting limits on his dreams. Charlie believes in the power of his accomplishments.

"You've read about the goddesses, come on. They're an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart. ... It's a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It's like an organic union of the hearts." ("20/20.")

Charlie feels. Charlie feels he should not listen to judgements from jealous and puritanical tomato-wielders.

Sheen Locks On.

"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself." ("Piers Morgan Tonight.")

Charlie fears alzheimers as much as he fears the common cold. That is to say, he fears it not at all.

Raging Titter hopes this article has helped you understand the Charlie Sheen situation more fully. Raging Titter also wishes you and yours a very sincere #winning.

In the interest of fair and accurate reporting, we at Raging Titter must inform our readers that the term "tigerblood" refers to the cocaine derived designer drug that was the subject of the film Deep Cover.

Angry Birds: The Mighty Eagle

2011-02-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

Before I purchased the Mighty Eagle from within Angry Birds on my Ipod Touch, I wanted more information. Google instant finished my query -- What the fuck does the mighty eagle do-- handily.

I found out the most important fact about The Mighty Eagle. It only costs $.99 one time. You may use it as often as you want on levels you have cleared and once per hour on levels you haven't cleared.
You're buying a slight cheat and a reason to go through all the levels again for a chance to dominate a different system of scoring.

Let's take a look at what happens when you purchase this additional content.

Here's your ordinary starting point.

When The Mighty Eagle is Activated.

You launch the Tuna can thing at the structure.

The Tuna Can becomes a beacon for Raining Hell. You'll notice a smell of burnt bacon.

And now you're scored on how much destruction you managed with your new friend.

That's how the Mighty Eagle dances.

Gentlemen Broncos: Bullet Point Review

2011-01-22T06:23:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen Broncos is a movie that you should not watch. That’s why I’ve invented this new type of review. As Red Letter Media has proven, there’s market for extremely long form reviews of bad movies. I think there’s room on the other side of the spectrum. So here for your enjoyment is a bullet point review of Gentlemen Broncos.

The long and the boring of it.

It’s a fairly thin allegory about the journey of an artist to, on his own terms, transform his sentiment into an appreciated object of art. In other words, the theme is both boring and too specific to be appreciated.

It’s weird for the sake of being weird. The vaguely fantastical nature of the world of the story attempts to parallel the fantastic nature of the protagonist’s novel. It’s annoying.

The end is so predictable and trite, it isn’t worth the journey. Also, the ending qualifies as deus ex machina. If you’re not familiar with the phrase, it’s a hallmark of poor storytelling. And that’s pretty terrible in a film that’s ostensibly about storytelling.

Lies people will tell to trick you.

The artificial weirdness of the film makes it “outsider”, and some people give a pass to everything deemed such. You’ll be asked, “Aren’t you just sick of mainstream film making?” You are, but that still does not make this movie watchable.

“There’s some funny moments.” Sure there is, but would you eat a giant steak if you were told you’d enjoy two bites of it?“

It’s not so much about a strictly defined ‘narrative’. It’s more of a pastiche of and homage to a particular genre.” No. It’s a collection of half ideas that didn’t make it into the director’s previous two films.

If you’re looking to feel that special combination of frustration, boredom, and regret usually reserved for airline delays, this film is for you.

Politics: Election: Wisconsin Gubernatorial

2010-11-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

Let me just take five seconds and explain to you why it doesn't matter if this yutz gets elected or not.

Political advertisements always state that the decisions of a single person (The opponent) have caused whatever the big huge problem is in that election cycle (or generally). It's actually not true. It takes the fuckuppery of many people in many different positions to get problems as big as we have currently. So while you may think that we're entering the dark ages of Wisconsin politics because we just elected a governor without a college degree, let me assure you, we've been in the dark ages for a very long time.

Look at Obama. He was elected on a whole hope and change jazz riff. What's he really been able to change? Dick. His once stentorian voice has about as much impact as a popcorn fart at a chili cook-off. There's just so many other asses.

Take a good long stare at Walker's punch drunk mug. Are you seriously trying to tell me that he can do more than Captain Charisma? (That's Obama for the sarcastically challenged) Walker will be lucky if he doesn't get cast into the pit of Sarlacc. (located in lovely Wisconsin Dells)

Seth MacFarlane Wants to End Family Guy.

2010-05-10T04:12:00.001-07:00

That omnipresent assholic smile hides a man at war with himself. How do I know? I watched the episode from 2 weeks ago.

The episode, entitled Brian and Stewie, received mixed reviews from even the most ardent fans. (Google Brian and Stewie and WTF.) Some love it. Some hate it. Some claim that those who don't love it, don't get it. Invitations to 'go fuck yourself' are passed around liberally.

But all of that misses the point entirely. Let me lay this bag of snakes out straight for you. Only two characters appear in the episode, both voiced by Macfarlane himself. One of those characters is voiced with something very close to Macfarlane's own speaking voice. If one were to sit down and give it a real think, one may come to the conclusion that the character speaking with something that sounds very much like its creator's voice might just be the closest thing to the voice of that creator. Is it making sense yet? So I don't have to write out such long and condescending sentences, I'm going to refer to the character as Brian.

And then there's Stewie, the evil mastermind baby whose now forgotten reverse oedipal obsessions made him America's little sweetheart. I'm not going to delve into the psychological significance of Stewie to Macfarlane. Although I will say this, Macfarlane has openly admitted to liking show tunes. Draw your own conclusions.

So Brian (Macfarlane) and Stewie (Macfarlane's gay baby alter ego) are trapped in a vault. A vault. What is also like a vault that two parts of Macfarlane's personality could conceviably be trapped within?

I bet I could figure it out with a brainstorming session. I should have a meeting or something.

So moving along, Stewie makes Brian eat shit. Literally. It's kinda gross. I've seen a dog eat shit. I didn't understand how it was integral to the plot then either. Then they get drunk and are mean to each other, but not before they pierce Stewie's ear. In the gay ear. Wait, let me feel my ears. Yes, Stewie gets his ear pierced in the gay ear.

So after Brian and Stewie are done being mean to each other, Brian reveals that he keeps the gun in his safe deposit box in case he wants to take himself out. Kill himself. Commit suicide. Take the doggy midnight train to doggy Georgia. What would killing the voice of the creator mean within the context of real life? I'll give you this one. It would mean the disconnection of the creator from the world he created. And I think I've proved my point.

Blogs are the future of journalism.

AC/DC: Highway To Hell: Live

2010-02-08T07:03:00.000-08:00

This song makes me believe in hoodoo, voodoo, black magic and the dark side. Something deep and primal rises up as that riff grinds out from my speakers like some great undulating metallic god from deep beneath the earth. It crawls into my head through my ears and makes hell sound like a weekend at Club Med. My friends are gonna be there too...

Recorded at Towson State College on 10/16/79. Bon Scott found his offramp just four short months later.

Jethro Tull: Cross-eyed Mary

2009-09-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Endless Fascination.

That's the only way to describe my relationship with this song. I've always had soft spot for the angel with dirty wings. Maybe that's why I think that everyone gets this song wrong. It's not simply a woeful tale of child prostitution among low lifes and pedophiles. It's an intimate and playful portrait of a young girl with a deeply misguided social conscience. She chooses the earthy experiences of the lower class to those of her own and her reasons are known only to her. Why she "favors" the poor man with something "good and strong", we may never fully understand. But those words also perfectly describe the marriage of the melody and the narrative in this unyielding prog rock classic.

President Obama Derided Down Mexico Way.

2009-09-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

Unless you've been living under a particularly large wifiless rock in the desert of the uninformed, you've seen the image of Barak Obama photoshopped to look like Heath Ledger's Joker with the word "SOCIALISM" written in a big scary font. Well, like every other great thing done in America, there's now a cheap mexican knockoff.

Pink flyers have appeared, first in Mexico City, now in almost every other urban center in Mexico. The pink flyers, depicting President Obama in a shade of blue familiar to everyone who went to gradeschool in the time of mimeograph machines with the phrase "Pinko Stinko!" surronding his head in a Soviet inspired font. Unverified reports have placed these flyers as far north as El Paso.

The first question on every rational mind is, of course, why is anti-Obama propaganda showing up in Mexico? Anti-Obama sentiment is certainly nothing new here in the states, but the homebrewed and old school nature of this propganda leads one to the conclusion that those responsible are neither well funded nor organized. All that points to someone local. But why?

Perhaps President Obama's initiatives to turn the American financial crisis aren't working fast enough and roused formerly illegally employed workers to action. Now that there are no longer jobs Americans won't do, illegal immigrants have been forced to return to Mexico. These points coupled with the fact that the flyers have greatest impact when the text is read in a stereotypical mexican accent lead one to wonder who Obama will make enemies with next.

Edgar Winter: Frankenstein: Live

2009-09-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

Few things make me feel like this song. It's an ember of rage, lit by a spark of madness, and it grows until it engulfs the entire world. Good and bad both burned beyond recognition. And when it's over, that guitar will still shriek in my head, singing out to sweet oblivion.

Recorded at The Mosque Theater in Pittsburgh, PA in April, 1973.

When Books Do It: A Hi-Lo Literary Mashup

2009-09-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

If books of vastly differing strata and subject are stored near each other, they will do it. That's what they don't tell you about Dewey Decimal! It's a system put in place to prevent the crossbreeding of certain kinds of books.

Anyway, a copy of The Brothers Karamazov (classic canonical literature) and Prince of Thieves (a romance novel) got loose and had a bit of a tryst. This is the result. Before you judge it, remember it will most likely not be accepted under any classification.

She found it difficult to take part in the conversation as the women talked of things, pictures, and images of which even soldiers would sometimes hesitate to speak. Only a fear of embarrassing her cousin prevented her from describing in detail just what fashion she'd been wearing of late.

There were many questions for her and comments about the handsome Sakim lord with whom she seemed to have some sort of connection. He was simply an early lover of humanity, and that he adopted the monastic life was simply because at that time it struck him, so to say, as the ideal escape for his soul struggling from the darkness of worldly wickedness to the light of love. Being highborn ladies all, they were very discreet, but it became apparent to Maryana that some stories were circulating about about him which made one feel at once (and it was so all his life afterwards) that he did not care to be a judge of others that he would never take it upon himself to criticise and would never condemn anyone for anything.

Her responses were guarded, but carefully calculated to titillate and provide grist from more conversation later. Part of this was pure deviltry on her part, but it was also intended to present Roderic in the best possible light. He was very strange even at that time, and had been so indeed from his cradle. But he was fond of people: he seemed throughout his life to put implicit trust in people: yet no one ever looked on him as a simpleton or naive person. She had no way of knowing which of these women might have some influence over their husband's decisions.

But she longed to be back in the dining room, which was a very sink of filthy debauchery, pleading Roderic's cause. It seemed possible, chaste and pure as he was, that if the Innish allied themselves with Roderic and the Sakims, her king might give up without a battle and withdraw to Neran soil with such booty as he'd already claimed.

Pointy Productivity: Starfucking

2009-08-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go? It doesn't go anywhere. It gets spent. Like money. When Benjamin Franklin said, "Time is money", I don't think he meant that every moment is a chance to make another buck. He meant that time is a precious resource and, like money, if you spend it foolishly you end up a poorer person. So how are you spending your time foolishly? I don't know for sure, but I have a guess. It's your cyber starfucking.

Starfucker - A person obessessed with seeking out personal interaction with celebrities. The desired interaction may or may not be sexual in nature.

If you'd like your time online and your day in general to be more productive, you only need to follow a single simple rule. Don't be friends with celebrities. Don't be friends with celebrities on Facebook. Don't follow them on Twitter.

I can already feel you struggling to get away from this idea.

Celebrities, as a side effect of whatever their actual vocation, have a ton of free time, like to self-promote, and are no more clever or worthwhile than any other person living on the planet. Celebrities, however, do possess a special power. They always have our attention. The fact that so many people pay attention to everything they do gives them an ubersignificance. Everything they do seems unique and special, even when it so is not. They say, "Hey check out this stupid youtube video." And you run off and do it because they said so. They didn't find it themselves. They saw it on Fark, Metafilter or Digg. Or someone they know (in real life) sent it to them. That means it's out there for you to find too. Be your own celebrity and find your own cool shit.

You know what's not going to help you in your next difficult meeting? Whatever Youtube video just put a feather up Ashton Kutcher's ass. You know what Ryan Seacrest, the little imp man from American Idol, knows about that paper you haven't finished? Dick. Do you know what Oprah's going to tell you? Watch Oprah. Do you know that Ellen Degeneres is as creepy, if not creepier, than Rosie O Donnell? She is.

Celebrity tweets or status updates typically consist of:

1) Something you probably will never do but have seen celebrities do a lot. (I'm on Jimmy Fallon!)

2) Linking to something that involves them directly (See Soulpancake)

3) Shouting out to people you don't know and, most likely, have no interest in knowing. (Congratulations to my agent on his beautiful newborn fuck trophy.)

I can hear your fervent cries as I type this in the not too distant past. "But what if James Gunn and I get into a little back-and-forth about some link he puts up and then we exchange emails and he helps me achieve my dream of being a screenwriter!?! What then? What if that happens?" Let me address this in as clear terms as possible. If you want people (including celebrities) to notice you, do something worth noticing. Knowing the "right people" can be an important asset toward achievement. Having the right people seek you is better by an order of magnitude (that's the difference between 1000 and 100000000).

If you aren't doing anything interesting, then celebrities are a lot like regular people. Celebrities do not care what you do. They do not care what you tweet.

In conclusion, you should treat your friends more like you treat celebrities and treat celebrities like people you don't really know.

Bad Movie? Bad Ideas? Bad Boys 3

2009-08-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hollywood isn't out of bad ideas yet. In an exercise of poor judgement unseen since the making of Bad Boys II, Columbia Pictures has started development for Bad Boys III.

Will Smith is reportedly excited to distance himself from dreary, meditative bullshit like 7 pounds and I Am Legend.

"I can't wait to get back to pointing guns at motherfuckers and yelling, 'Stop Motherfucker!', for millions and millions of dollars."

Costar Martin Lawrence also expressed interest in a third installment of the franchise, "Anything to get my ass out of making shit like this." Lawrence's comments were overheard at a script meeting of Wild Hogs 2: Fatter, Older, Triter.

The only missing component for completing what is possibly the most unnecessary trilogy in the history of cinema is a script which remains faithful to the characters, story, and vision of the first two films.

In a telephone interview, Michael Bay expressed trepidation regarding the search for the script. "I don't want some asshole who doesn't know how I fuck the frame trying to write it. I mean the last guy they offered this gig wanted to wait until page ten before the first explomo* sequence. I mean, what the fuck."

Reports that Michael Bay is a lesser demon using the film industry as a cover for creating fiery portals into hell remain unsubstantiated.

Jerry Bruckheimer had no comment.

More here.

*explomo - explosion/slow motion. A Michael Bay trademark.

New Riders Of The Purple Sage: Home Grown: Live

2009-08-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

With California considering the legalization of marijuana to cope with a monumental budget short fall, I can't help but think that their estimates of a billion dollars in tax revenue is a bit low.

But about the song, It's just a quick and dirty little rock song with a relentless rhythm and efficient narrative.

Mexico has decriminalized, which will affect the availability just across the border, one would think.

Actually, part of what gives weed its cool cache is the illegality coupled with its demonstrable relative harmlessness. Weed has a commerciaized subculture unlike any other illegal substance. That subculture has persisted because it is profitable. Don't just tax maryjane. Tax bongs, pipes, papers, and screens. If marijuana was legal tomorrow, it would only be as cool as booze, cigarettes, coffee, energy drinks, prescription drugs, gambling, and high fructose corn syrup.

Oh and to all the California marijuana law reformers, you're welcome in advance for finding your theme song.

Pointy Productivity: What's Next?

2009-08-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

What should I do next?

What should you do next? I don't know. Look around you. Use your environment. Can you fashion some rudimentary tools? What does it seem like you should do next? The answer could be staring you in the face.

However, completing a Facebook or OKcupid quiz is absolutely not the right answer. I'm going to save you a lot of moments of false revelation about your true nature. As it turns out, which historical period, Babylon 5 race, or Star Search Contestant you most resemble isn't as informative or useful as it sounds. This is the truth about you:

"You are curious about the world and how you fit into it. You have a desire to discover new things, not only about the world, but about yourself. You enjoy using the internet and would be quite lost without it. You have less true friends than you'd like. You have trouble connecting to people on a real emotional level. You think LOLCATS are the stupidest thing ever or funny and cute. You feel that you are very different from most people you know, however, you do not feel there is anything special about you. You have a low to moderate level of anxiety regarding pooping in strange places. You consider yourself intelligent, but find yourself scouring self improvement blogs and exclaiming, 'Well I know that!' And yet, you never grasp the irony. In short you are exactly who you think you are and completely aware of the person you'd like to be. So go monkeyshit insane and be that person, just for a day. Oh, and you are more likable when you're not worried about how likable you are."

Facebook quizzes are not scientific. They are based solely on the quiz writer's perception of a constellation of traits. So you're going to let some fucktard who's got nothing better to do than write a fucking facebook quiz define who you think you are? Who you are is a person who spends far too much time wondering/worrying about who you are and not nearly enough time BEING who you are.”

Also, if you were a condiment, you'd be brown horseradish mustard. Deal.

Glenn Beck Loses Advertiser; Strikes Back.

2009-08-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

Glenn Beck has lost a number of advertisers, but in true Fox News zealotry, he's singling out just one company for his Johnny Unitas haircut having wrath. A well-placed source on the janitorial staff at Fox News has confirmed that Glenn Beck will initiate a boycott of Clorox bleach. Clorox is one of 33 advertisers who've pulled their advertising from Beck's show. It has also been confirmed that Beck has dubbed the boycott, "The Skidmark Revolution".

Apparently, he will be encouraging his viewers to boycott Clorox and fly their "tightey whiteys" in protest and to anally maintain the boycott's "thin brown picket line". Beck's comments will include a very special entreaty to conservative Christian households.

"Jesus gave us the ass gravy and it should be considered blasphemous and unpatriotic to hide or remove it." Beck will then cry for 8 minutes and joke about the extraordinary cleanliness of President Obama's "draws".

In order to promote the ass-roots political action, Beck will appear on his show in his own pair of tightey- whiteys with "the brown eye seal of approval". Ever the savvy broadcaster, Beck's underwear will also reportedly be 2 sizes too small in order to curry favor with new advertiser, Welch's Grape Juice.

7 George W. Bush Memoir Titles

2009-08-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Top 7 Titles for the inevitable George W. Bush Memoir With Excerpts.

Al Queda, Pretzels, Dick And Other Stuff That Tried To Kill Me.

No assassin is more dangerous than a delicious one. Pretzels are good too.

They Stopped Letting Me Google Myself In 2003.

Who was this Dubya? I had to know more. I did a yahoo search and finally found "the google".

Flight Suit Ride-Up And Other Daily Briefings.

Just a monstrous level of jock itch. It was a Crawford size brush fire on the presidential dangle!

Hooked on Phonics Is Bullshit!

It's like Intendo games. You have to be a wizard or a five-year-old to completely understand.

Prayer Don't Cure Hangovers.

Sweet holy lord Jesus Christ, my savior, take this aching and itching from my head, neck, shoulders, and anus.

My Pet Dick.

See Dick Lie. See Dick Threaten. See me place fake spider in Dick's desk. See Dick Clutch his chest. Clutch, Dick, Clutch.

Dubbin.

It was only in my second term that I could understand and appreciate the music of the Rasta. Yes friends, from the left hand side.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Coping Strategies

2009-08-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

A list of seven things you can do to make the film, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, more entertaining.

7. Pretend It's a documentary about an extreme LARP.

6. Let Marlon Wayans' presence lead you to believe the entire film is simply a very long and well funded In Living Color sketch. Wait for Fire Marshall Bill.

5. Sneak a flask of firewater in with you and drink every time a "serious moment" is laugh-out-loud stupid.

4. Scan clumps of extras and bit parts for anyone who could have played Roadblock or Shipwreck.

3. Pretend it isn't a movie but a very special episode of Punk'd and the joke is on Dennis Quaid.

2. Mentally recast the film with actors from "The Office" and "How I Met Your Mother". *This may require mind altering drugs.*

1. Bring your MP3 player. Every time a character reaches out desperately for another, things go into slow motion, or Marlon Wayans has a line, cue up the chorus to "Wind Beneath My Wings". Bonus points for using this version.

Allman Brothers: Whipping Post: Live

2009-08-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

There's no other way to say it. This song comes right at you. And you can't run fast enough. It grabs you right at the base of your soul and winds upward. Then it starts a long, slow squeeze. Eventually, you succumb. And you awaken, changed. Recorded live at the Fillmore East 06/27/71.

Christopher Walken: The Definitive Collection

2009-08-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, "Christopher Walken Jokes" is the most popular search that directs to Raging Titter. So for those intrepid googlers, I present the definitive Christopher Walken Youtube/Hulu collection.

I'll start you off nice and easy with a little Kevin Pollack.

Now Eddie Izzard, master of surreal impressionism, takes a whack at "The Walken".

Some dude from Youtube. He's really got those low, raspy voice drops down.

The man himself. Watch him descend into an impression of the collective impression around him.

And finally, the definitive Walken.

How It Gets Down: The Book

2009-07-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

"How It Gets Down" is not a real book. I made it up for this thread on Metafilter. Sometimes I just like to point out that Metafilter gets all wrapped up in the wrong part of the conversation. Sometimes it's good not to obsessively assign meaning and value to every notion that comes with some form of pseudo-intellectual street cred. So you can stop searching for this book title now. Go write it yourself. And quit emailing me asking for it. Good Day.

David Sedaris and The Latest NPR Fundraising Scheme

2009-07-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

I actually think this would help the biweekly pledge drives over to NPR.

Honestly, I envy anyone that can do a David Sedaris impression without it sounding like Snagglepuss.

Tell me you don't see it.

Creative Writing Meets Internet

2009-07-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Using Dr. Wicked's Write or Die application I freewrote some spam email. Presented poorly edited for your enjoyment.

wwwwPower funk power bars are the best power bars money can buy, because they're made with money. All of the abandon paper currency is going to waste in this unreasonable economic times. The love one has for one's country can't override the need for food and that's where power funk power bars come into the picture. Take the sting out of losing all the cash you stashed, what you thought was, safely away in your 401k. The time is now! Seek out your friends and neighbors and tell them to get on the Power Funk kick today! The last thing this old world needs is a big bunch of crybaby whiners who can't possibly control themselves. We need to fight for love or money, but not both. Power Funk power bars allow this hellish place we find ourselves in to be just a little more tolerable. The worst thing that can happen to any of us is the loss of our personal and financial security. September 11th 2001 the first one went bye-bye. The second one just walked out the door a few months ago. How can we keep moving forward in a time this terrible? With Power Funk power bars, of course!

Raging Titter Radio Episode 25 (Down In Flames)

2008-09-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 25 (Down In Flames)

This One Crashes AND Burns.

Featuring:

Erection Process

Your Favorite Candidate Sucks

America's Salesman

With a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Love Equals Death

Gym Class Heroes

Every Avenue

Raging Titter Radio Episode 24 (Money To Burn)

2008-07-04T19:02:00.001-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 24 (Money To Burn)

Show Notes 070408

Independence Day

Public Enemies

The Marathon Station

Mansions

Song: The Worst Part

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

Moxie

Song: Take A Chance

Red Octane

The Blow Me State

Quit Killing Grandma

Heavenly States

Song: Get Lost In The Light

Chick Fight!!!

Happy Birthday Amanda

A Cursive Memory

Song: Everything

Raging Titter Blog

Raging Titter Myspace

SinisterPurposeATgmailDOTcom

YouTube

Complete 133rd Preakness Stakes Results

2008-05-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

Once again, the complete results from the race at Pimlico are difficult to find online. So here they are:

1. (7) Big Brown
2. (2) Macho Again
3. (3) Icabad Crane
4. (6) Racecar Rhapsody
5. (9) Stevil
6. (8) Kentucky Bear
7. (13) Hey Byrn
8. (11) Giant Moon
9. (2) Tres Borrachos
10. (4) Yankee Bravo
11. (12) Gayego
12. (10) Riley Tucker

The (5) horse, Behind At The Bar, was scratched.

The staff of Raging Titter hopes you didn't bet the kids college money.

Complete 134th Kentucky Derby Results.

2008-05-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

It took me forever to get the complete results, so I put them up for you.

1. (20) Big Brown
2. (5) Eight Belles
3. (16) Denis Of Cork
4. (2) Tale Of Akati
5. (18) Recapturetheglory
6. (10) Colonel John
7. (3) Anak Nakal
8. (9) Pyro
9. (17) Cowboy Cal
10. (6) Z Fortune
11. (12) Smooth Air
12. (8) Visionaire
13. (4) Court Vision
14. (11) Z Humor
15. (1) Cool Coal Man
16. (13) Bob Black Jack
17. (19) Gayego
18. (7) Big Truck
19. (15) Adriano
20. (14) Monba

The staff of Raging Titter hopes your gambling addiction is going really well.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 23 (So Much For)

2008-03-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

Get The Show Here

videos

HOWLIN' WOLF

CHELSEA Z

SARAH DASHEW

AMV By AIJE

CHANCE

Show Notes 032708

Don't Say It

CruiseBox

Song: On A Podcast

Process Vs. Product

Aije's Other Account

Aije: The Interview

Luman

Song: All About You

Cross Promote & Network

JustJudith

Sarah Dashew: The Interview

Latch Key Kid

Song: Yesterday

All Great Things

Travis & The Standard Issue

Destiny

John Statz

Song: Can The Circle Be Unbroken

Raging Titter Blog

Raging Titter Myspace

SinisterPurposeATgmailDOTcom

News Simple.

2008-03-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

I don't like to news blog, but a couple stories caught my eye. Let's dig in.

HEADLINE! Fat Fuck Gets Off!

No, unfortunately this is not a story about an internet porno download going exactly as planned. Apparently an Outagamie county jury threw an impromptu party in the ass of justice by acquitting a drunk driver who struck and paralyzed a young woman.

The young woman, Tiffany Pohl, now a quadriplegic, was not present for the announcement of the verdict.

The acquittal seems a direct result of shoddy police work. Despite the lack of expertise they seem to display in matters of investigation, I can attest that the Police of Appleton and Outagamie County are expert ticket writers and always respond to citizen calls with the mild enthusiasm one expects from dilettantes.

Citizens of the Fox Valley please note: Randall Ashauer is buying the drinks and toasting the police.

***Update***
04/13/09

Tiffany Pohl has entered into a defamation lawsuit with a Combined Locks man over a comment made on her get well website. Click here for the story.

HEADLINE! Brett Favre Finally Retires!

Let's all take a moment to mourn his passing.

HA!

Now if it's real blogging you want go check out justjudith.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 21 (All This Machinery)

2008-02-02T00:33:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 21 (All This Machinery)

Featuring:

Rush

Dark Berries

On Rock of Love

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Menomena

Moxie

Horrorpops

Raging Titter Radio Episode 20 (How To Deal)

2008-01-04T04:26:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 20 (How To Deal)

You Can't Bend The Rules, You Gotta Break 'Em In Half.

Featuring:

Cologne & Beer

Writer's Strike

All In

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Wind Is Mindblowing

Bright Eyes

Moxie

Raging Titter Radio Episode 19 (Welcome to Thunderdome)

2007-12-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 19 (Welcome to Thunderdome)

Come visit the nirvana of the end times.

Featuring:

Podcast Apocalypse

Zombies Ruin Dinner

In The Closet

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Peasant

Twilight Hotel

Killola (Who are Kick @$$ Mother Truckers)

Raging Titter Radio Episode 18 (This Americana Lives)

2007-08-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 18 (This Americana Lives)

There's no champagne in the champagne room, only real pain.

Featuring:

In The Pink Sink

Ira's Musk

Twinkles

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Evongale

Moxie

Chelsea Z

Popular Drink May Reduce Cancer Risk.

2007-08-25T23:10:00.001-07:00

Red Bull scientists, Doctor Raymond J. Douche and Doctor Phillip Lawrence Tard announced today that the extremely popular mixed drink "VodkaRedbull" may have been scientifically linked to decreased cervical cancer risks in women.

Men of seemingly every demographic make the "VokkaRebill" choice everyday. The fusion of the drinks primary ingredients creates a chemical compound which has been laboratory proven to excite the dormant "tosser" gene. A human male with an activated "tosser" gene isn't hard to spot. The chemical causes certain imbalances in the hypothalamus which raise the Male's body temperature 4 degrees or less. This induced fever causes an increased sensitivity to ambient temperature. Typically, the male subject will open buttons and zippers to aid in cooling the body. He may also become obsessed with temperature and incessantly comment on how "hot" things seem. He may become disoriented and speak very informally with people he doesn't know. The chemical also works on other parts of the brain and can cause bouts of "mini-Tourette's". Listen for a repetition of popular phrases and curse words. Also, the Male's libido increases nearly fifteen times.

The behavioral changes may appear unbearable, but it's these very annoyances which help women fight cancer. The underlying organisms responsible for cervical cancers, now unquestionably linked with sexual activity, may be inoculated against. However, if a woman cannot afford or is not desirable enough for the vaccine, she gets the same protection from "VokkaRebill" and the "Douche-Tard" effect. The "Douche-Tard" effect bends the Male's willingness for overtly aggressive behavior so sharply upward that he becomes unsuitable as a mate.

"This drink instantly pushes them to the short end of the fuck stick. The pope has actually come out against the 'VokkaRebill'. He thinks it qualifies as a contraceptive," said a Red Bull Spokesperson wearing aviator shades and a red mesh football jersey. He then unfurled a 25 foot velvet tapestry. Written in a gold font, the tapestry read, "Red Bull Makes Your Cock Cure Cancer."

As a reminder of these health benefits, Red Bull will now appear in a can shaped like a cock with a pink ribbon tied around it.

I Think Kahlil Gibran Said Something Like This

2007-08-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

Christopher Walken and a Bar walk into a joke.

2007-07-23T23:22:00.000-07:00

Check out Christopher Walken: The Definitive Collection. Brought to you by Raging Titter.

Sarah Dashew: The Interview

2007-06-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

No one swears quite like Sarah. Not even Concrete Blonde's Johnette Napolitano can sing curse words like Sarah Dashew. Listen to her album just to hear her do it. Seriously, it's like a magic trick. You'll ask yourself, “did she just sing the word 'asshole'?” You'll end up working that little slider on Itunes to death. Try not to get hung up on that, because Sarah does a lot more than make curse words fun again.

In her new album, Jealous Girl, Sarah Dashew intrepidly explores a spectrum of complex emotions. She resists the urge to simply sing sad songs. She talks about the shame of jealousy. She discusses her need to feel secure. She muses on the sanctity of the cable box. Every song on Jealous Girl makes you feel something you've been aching to feel. Whether she's expounding on the joys of great conversation in Hash It Out or gently guiding you through the hell of knowing it's over in Dread, Sarah's voice cuts right to the core of you.

Sarah Dashew was kind enough to take a few minutes from unpacking boxes in her new LA apartment and talk with Sinister Purpose about her latest album, life instead of singing, and the secret to her mother's salad.

SP: Why the move back to L.A? Now that you're there, are you looking forward toward playing a particular venue?

Sarah Dashew: Yeah, the Greek Theatre! ;) I guess my favorite club venue in town is Temple Bar, which I played the first week I got back. It’s in Santa Monica and has a kickin’ smooth sound system, wonderful people hanging out and working, good lights, good vibe all the way around. I also really like playing Hotel Café, though it seems to be getting a bit too sexy for its shirt…

About moving back: I had a great opportunity to spend a year in New York and sublease my cousins’ place in Brooklyn. I thought I’d be crazy not to try it. And I had a grand adventure; I have a lot of close friends there, I made more, I had a lot of fun. But I really missed LA. I couldn’t believe it. But I did. When it came down to it, I felt like I couldn’t quite breathe in New York—everything was so close and dense. It’s just the way I am, I guess. I need more sun and space.

SP: Which of your songs gives you chills when you perform it live?

Sarah Dashew: *Hm, which of MY songs? Well, I really love playing “What You Owe” live. That’s downright cathartic.

SP: There's a noticeable technical difference between your first album, Music for Cruising, and your latest, Jealous Girl. Do you feel like you've grown into yourself as a musician and songwriter?

Sarah Dashew: *Oh yes. Music for Cruising was recorded in my bedroom…Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s sweet. But it’s more of a theme record…And much younger. When I started working with my mentor (Chuck Plotkin—produced Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan), he really schooled me, taught me to go deep and not be afraid of the dark…Taught me not to censor myself on my way to my journal, taught me about why songs work and why they don’t, taught me how to listen…And made me work! So Jealous Girl is the result of two years of that work…And of course the musicians on the album are incredible. And it was recorded in this fabulous engineer’s (Ryan Freeland) studio. Long answer short, yes. I feel like I’ve grown into myself. And like I have a lot of growing still to do.

SP: Talk about making Jealous Girl. What are your fondest memories of making that album? Did it turn out, artistically, the way you thought it would? What song took the longest to get right during the recording process?

Sarah Dashew: *Where do I start? Making that album really is one of the great pinnacles of my life so far. I guess my first fondest memory was the first day…Meeting all the musicians and having them be these people who had played on some of my all-time favorite records (Gary Mallaber, for instance, was the drummer on Van Morrison’s Moondance album, and Jen Condos played bass on Bruce Springsteen’s The Ghost of Tom Joad), and having them compliment my songs…MY songs…I spent a good half of the first day in the kitchen sobbing.

My next fondest memory was recording “Hash it Out”. That’s when I first really let go and just started jamming with everyone, and really felt like I was good enough to do it. Man we went to church!! We ended up cutting out over 80 bars of outro jamming on that song…We would end it, and then Gary (the drummer) would shout “One!Two! Three! FOUR!” and off we’d go again…It was so unbelievably fun I can’t describe it.

My other fondest memory was the night Dan Bern came and played cello on “Cannot Make the Call”. He’s sort of one of my song-writing heroes, and a good friend of Chuck’s…And he happened to be in LA while we were tracking… He hadn’t played cello in years, but he agreed to come over and give it a whirl. It was so marvelous to have him be working on my song, when a couple years ago I had just been in the audience at one of his shows…I was all nervous and wanted him to think I was super cool, so I drank too much wine and acted like an idiot, but still it was a really fun night.

The song that took the longest to get right was “Brad Pitt”. I don’t know why it ended up being a problem child. We re-recorded it 5 different ways…It still ended up being different on the album than I play it live…But that’s just a particular snapshot of the song that ended up working for that project.

The album as a whole turned out wonderfully, I think…Of course, now that I’ve had a year to play the songs and listen and keep working, there are things that I feel like are missing, things I would do differently. But that’s what keeps you making records. You learn what you want to do next by discovering what’s missing from the now. My next album will have more rhythm and blues, I think.

SP: Loss is a prevalent theme throughout the album. Is songwriting a cathartic process for you or do painful emotions just make better songs?

Sarah Dashew: *Yes. Songwriting is very cathartic…Best therapy there is. I don’t know if I believe that painful emotions just make better songs, but if you can access it you’re in for a hell of a ride. As listeners we use music to help us feel things we might not otherwise get to feel. So sometimes we connect more to the painful stuff. But yeah, I do have first-hand experience. I find it very difficult to write something I don’t know. Hemingway is my favorite author, and he always said you have to write what you know. Even if you put it in the context of another character, even if you take creative liberties with the knowing, you still have to fundamentally KNOW it.

SP: Take us through the process of one of your songs. 'Psychobabble Junk' for instance, how did that song coalesce?

Sarah Dashew: *Ah, good one! Psychobabble is a very particular song, which came together incredibly quickly. My favorites usually do, if I can just get out of the way long enough to let them out. I was having dinner with my producer and his wife, who happens to be a psychoanalyst. She was talking about her concern for her aging mother, how she worries about her losing it…And Chuck said, “Well, I think it’s great…She really seems to be relaxing finally.” And Wendy, his wife, said “Oh sure…You could call it relaxing, you could call it coming unhinged…” Everything just kind of zoomed out and I knew I had to write that. The song is about how full of absolutely everything, beautiful and horrible, life is…And no matter how you try to label it or deconstruct it, you still have nothing you can do but go through it…Live, you know. The song says it better. But anyway, I wrote it after dinner. Took about 1/2 an hour.

SP: What music have you listened to today?

Sarah Dashew: *Wilco’s new album, Sky Blue Sky, Jackson Browne “The Pretender” (though I have to be really careful when I listen to it. Otherwise I’m likely to end up curled up on the floor sobbing…), and that’s all. But it’s only 8:30 in the morning, so the day is young.

SP: How diverse is your music collection. Do you prefer CDs, Vinyl, mp3s?

Sarah Dashew: *Wellll, back in the day, when I was a toddler, I had tapes, vinyl and Cds…Now I just have Cds and mp3s. There’s a part of me that really regrets getting rid of all my records. Honestly, I don’t even remember how it happened. I guess when I went to college I just thought it was time to purge. And it’s sad, because I had all my records, plus my parents’ collection. And they had a fantastic pile of stuff—everything from the Beatles to Tito Puente, Chuck Berry, Mingus, Led Zeppelin…Plus records are sexier. You get that scratch and whirl, you get to move the needle. Mp3s have got to be the least sexy format for music ever. But still I’ve got a big iTunes library. I’ve got lots of Prince, Bruce Springsteen, Van Morrison, Gypsy Kings, Bob Dylan, Patti Griffin, some Paul Simon, James Taylor, Janis Joplin, Justin Timberlake (don’t laugh!), Pink Floyd, PJ Harvey, Rolling Stones, Willie Nelson, lots of Puccini, Keb Mo’, Miles Davis…

SP: I searched for your name on YouTube and Revver and couldn't find anything. You've made the leap to podcasting, any plans to start video blogging or producing music videos?

Sarah Dashew: *Huh. I haven’t even heard of Revver. Guess I’d better go check it out! I actually just uploaded my first YouTube video yesterday…A snippet of my show last week. I love video blogs and music videos…Just have to get focused and get on it

SP: Speaking of your podcast, how do you like podcasting? What do you think of it as a medium?

Sarah Dashew: *I love podcasting! I’ve been terribly remiss in doing it the last few months, but I blame the move. :) I always loved acting like a DJ when I was a kid, so it’s my chance to play radio host.

SP: Do you find MySpace a useful tool for self-promotion?

Sarah Dashew: *More or less. I think that Myspace has become bigger than itself or its original purpose, which tends to happen with lots of great things…They’re great, they get mega popular, they sell for $580 million to Rupert Murdoch, and then they become a venue for advertising and the server’s down half the time. But I do still think it’s useful. I have some wonderful fans in Turkey now! And, you know, Wisconsin and stuff…And it’s become a verb, like Google, so it’s easy to get people to use…

SP: What would you be doing if you weren't a musician? What are your other passions?

Sarah Dashew: *If I could do something else, I would probably do it. I do love doing lots of things, but I have a degree in Sociology from a liberal-arts college, so that’s pretty useless. I am very good with boats, and every year or so my dad tries to get me to join the family business, but I’m only truly happy doing music. Also, I love gardening. I love traveling. I could be a travel writer…Oh—and if I could be a professional tennis player I’d do that! But I’m mostly good at watching it on the couch.

SP: This might be the most important question of the interview. Will you share the recipe for that cake you made and the salad your mother made? Please. I have dreams about that salad.

Sarah Dashew: *Which cake? The lemon cake? Yeah, that was wonderful. That’s courtesy of the Martha Stewart Baking Handbook. You just have to get the book. It’s got such great pictures…I love Martha Stewart! True love always! Oh! I could totally be a baker! I make fantastic yummy granola. If music doesn’t work out, I might actually try that…Let’s see, my mom’s salad…Well, she always starts by rubbing a clove of garlic in the bottom of the salad bowl. Then lots of fresh romaine lettuce, red onions, hard-boiled eggs, avocado, carrots, fresh parsley, red and yellow tomatoes, kalamata olives, some feta cheese I think, and some roasted chicken…Now I’m hungry!

If you listen to Sarah Dashew's music there is the distinct possibility that you might tear up, laugh at nothing in particular, or just smile. You might call an old friend and giggle about a bad decision or two. You may also solve the mystery of why everyone's parents had at least one copy of Tapestry.

Raging Titter thanks Sarah Dashew for taking time for this interview. Both her albums are available from CDBABY and her website. Her tour dates are on her Myspace page as well as on her website. You can find her official bio here.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 17 (The Courtesy Flush)

2007-06-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 17 (The Courtesy Flush)

Sometimes it's best to err on the side of not being a witless ass. Sometimes.

Featuring:

Smokers

Call Center

Lifted by the Force of It

As Always, we're complete with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

The Ropes

The Ones

Killola

Raging Titter Radio Episode 16 (Addicted to Failure)

2007-05-22T00:22:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 16 (Addicted to Failure)

Don't try to resist this show. It's too hard.

Featuring:

Dairy Queen

Alien Technology

Protect Your Own Nuts

As Always, we're complete with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Andrew Handrick

The Krinkles

The Standard Issue

Big Metal Bunny and the Hasselhoff Fiasco

2007-05-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 15 (A Fantastic Disaster)

2007-05-15T06:34:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 15 (A Fantastic Disaster)

Warning: This show is known to cause dry mouth.

Featuring:

Virgin Blood

The Elvish Actor Fund

Side Effects

As Always, we're complete with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Chance

The Hentchmen

The Nightmares

2007-05-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 14 (Forward Into Oblivion)

Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

Featuring:

House Of Heroes

Sore Thumbs

Mambo No. 5

As Always, we're complete with soundtrack.

Featuring:

Sentient Machine

Mambo Sauce

Z. Hurd

Big Metal Bunny Returns with Thoughts on the Democrats

2007-05-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

The Unluckiest Podcast

2007-05-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 13 (The Avarilicious Covet-O-Tron)

This episode is already banned in China.

Featuring:

Cardio

Lotta

Hooker Advertising

As Always, we're complete with soundtrack.

Featuring:

Killola

S-Foil

The Standard Issue

Adrian Glynn

Big Metal Bunny Debut Strip

2007-04-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

STFU stupid. The first annual Raging Titter Games

2007-04-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

This could have ended badly.
WARNING: This video was produced under the influence of the Don Imus Scandal.

Mars announces new direction for familiar M&M's

2007-04-15T23:38:00.000-07:00

As part of a bold new marketing strategy, Mars Incorporated will take it's highly successful M&M's brand in a direction no one expected. You'll be getting a lot less candy for a lot more money.

"Our target retail price will be around $12.50 per 5 ounce bag," said a Mars spokeswoman. She continued, "The bigger price tag is accompined by a quantum leap in product quality."

Apparently, Mars Inc plans include deploying the world's foremost "chocolatologists" to the four corners of the world searching for "only the finest raw ingredients" from countries willing "to explore business models including uncompensated human resources."

"The third world's finest chocolatiers will process the raw ingredients in countries without trade-restricting and price-increasing regulations. We've already struck agreements with several sympathetic and invested governments," added a second spokeswoman.

You won't believe how they'll market them.

The next change you notice will be the abrupt phasing out of the familiar M&M's packaging in favor of a simpler more stand out design. (See picture.) Packaging isn't the only thing being thrown out with the bath water. There also won't be any cartoon characters, contests, or commercials. The newly wrapped candies will only be advertised in stark black and white high end magazine ads. Magazines such as GQ, Cosmopolitan, Effete Living, Silver Spoon, and Playboy have already agreed to participate.

"We believe the world is ready for a new super premium candy and M&M's wants to be first to penetrate this emerging market."

Don't forget the side effects.

In the initial test marketing of the product about ten percent of the participants became "hysterical and violent". Researchers affectionately referred to this reaction as "Kukoo for Cocoa". Researchers believe the dangers of "kukoo" to be insignificant. Researchers were also quick to point out that no one "actually" died during the test marketing.

In the plan outlined by Mars Incorporated the familiar M&M's will be completely gone by early 2008. If you like your M&M's just the way they are, you'd better start buying in bulk.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 12 (Means and Meanings)

2007-04-09T23:51:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 12 (Means and Meanings)

Raging Titter Radio Episode 12 (Means And Meanings)

Exhale kids, This one is Sling Blade simple.

Featuring:

Bush Twins
Jazz
A Plea To Donal Logue

As Always, we're complete with soundtrack.

Featuring:

WEN
Killola
Big John Bates

Four things I learned from Frank Edward Nora

2007-04-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to The Overnightscape since time immemorial (November 2005) The first time I heard Frank Nora he was reviewing the Jones Soda Holiday Pack. I've enjoyed The Overnightscape ever since. Here's the top four things I've learned from Frank.

4. Experience your food. Take time to think about the foods your eating, especially snacks. Do they taste good? Do you really enjoy them? Why?

3. Pay attention to the world. Connect with the world. Frank's daily commute is filled with adventure. Why? He takes time to notice things. He takes time to notice people. They're given names like The Stoic Man and Stoic 2. Frank takes time to personalize his strangers. He doesn't waste a second with mass transit induced despair.

2. Be curious, have adventure. Frank stays curious about his environment. Despite the fact that he's walked the same Manhattan streets for years, he can still access the mindset of an intrepid explorer seeing an alien vista for the very first time.

1. Perform as you like. Do the show you want. Frank is really one of my podcasting heroes. He seems to engage his audience effortlessly. A simple walk to Martha Stewart's house can turn into an exercise in paranoia. A bowl of miso soup can turn into that day's greatest triumph.

He's never gotten involved with podshow. Frank's started his own independent podcasting concern with Mike Masters. The Anything But Monday Show is a success waiting to happen.

The Overnightscape has just had it's four year anniversary. If you haven't already, go check it out. Raging Titter wishes you many more.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 11 (Most Hostile Environs)

2007-03-17T23:07:00.000-07:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 11 (Most Hostile Environs)

Get fearless, this one solves everything.

Featuring:

George W. Bush

Unwanted Podshow Presence

A Plea to Seth Green

As Always we're complete with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

John Statz

Laura Hughes

Killola

Raging Titter on MySpace

SinisterPurposeATgmailDOTcom

Aije: The Interview

2007-03-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

Thanks to companies like YouTube, Liberated Syndication, Deviant Art and others there's a place for everyone's voice, visage, and opinion on the internet. As long as you don't attempt to reference copyrighted material. Media companies of the previous century struggle daily to keep their monopoly on what gets heard and seen. These companies seem unwilling to accept a business model that isn't built on scarcity.

Can the concept of fair use survive the digital age?

With corporations battling over intellectual property on the internet like rival gangs in a turf war, sometimes bystanders get caught in the crossfire. Sometimes the very people to whom these companies owe their phenomenal success are caught in the legal drive-bys. One of the most recently wounded made her way into the offices of Raging Titter.

YouTube luminary, Aije, sits down with SinisterPurpose and talks abut her YouTube deletion and resurrection, reconnecting with her subscribers, and her future contributions to the sum of human expression.

SP: Why was your original account deleted from YouTube?

Aije: It took me a while to connect the dots for this one. YouTube, only a few days ago, sent me a reason for my suspension.

I used to have some anime videos dubbed by myself and friends on the profile. The animes were, at the time, not licensed in the United States. As soon as they were licensed companies like Geneon and Sunrise filed copyright infringement notices against me. For sure I can say that that happened twice.

I took down all "dub" videos of mine to avoid a third occurrence. My entire account was deleted months later. According to YouTube it had to do with "repeat offences".

SP: Are you pleased with the rate at which your subscribers are returning?

Aije:Yes, 100 in one week is very pleasing. It originally took me one year to gain 350, so, doing the math, you can see the difference.

SP: Are you consciously striving toward becoming one of YouTube's Stars like
LonelyGirl15, The Guys from Smosh, or Happyslip?

Aije: Well, I have to look forward to something, right?

SP: Are your videos Entertainment, Art, or Journalism? Are these distinctions important to you when you set out to make a video? For example, in Ask a Chonga: Asisleysis Edition it seems as though you could have easily edited out the moments when you broke character. Why didn't you?

Aije: See, I know I'll get my points across a lot faster on YouTube than I would writing an editorial in my LiveJournal. I guess you'd have to call that journalism but I'm really not a fan of journalism in essence. Let's just say that my youtube account is one collective editorial.

In my 'skit videos' such as Asisleysis and WTF Tribe (which, I've yet to transfer over to the new account) I tend to leave in certain bloopers. I'm a big fan of anything that's a comedy of errors. I suppose that's a big influence on my videos. Those moments make the videos funnier, in my
opinion.

SP: What's your take on YouTube's ever tightening restrictions on copyrighted
material?

Aije: Well, I don't see much of a difference from day to day. Simply that they've got more reminders up when you're uploading a video. Such a big company coming up with such measly solutions is disheartening.

SP: The description tags on some of your videos seem to have taken on a certain...let's call it a theme. Has Youtube's deletion of your original account caused you to adopt more aggressive methods of marketing?

Aije: Yes it has. I've blatantly tagged short skirts and hot chicks because it's the trend nowadays on youtube. Like Daffy Duck, I can't beat the others, so I'm joining them.

SP: You've mentioned you're a writer once or twice. What's your genre? What themes are you exploring in your writing? What's at stake in your stories?

Aije: I'm a science fiction writer fascinated by cyborgs and androids. Themes that usually come up in my writing are those of loss, predestination, or control. I tend to create characters who constantly change and others that serve as ideals: the perfect woman, the perfect soldier, and etcetera. What's at stake in my stories is the ordinary, I suppose.

SP: Are there any samples of your writing on the internet? Where can they be found?

Aije: There are few. I have a livejournal, that I occasionally update, specifically set up for snippets of my novel. It's hard to read since I write out of context and only post up a few paragraphs of each segment that I work on. That would be on http://aije_enhanced.livejournal.com.

SP: The question on the minds of everyone out there in regard to your writing is do you secretly write Sailor Moon fanfic or is it not a secret?

Aije: I wrote an Ayashi No Ceres badfic the other day… I would never disgrace Sailor Moon.

SP:Are you working on a new video? When can your subscribers expect to see it?

Aije: I have about 3 that are halfway in the making: one editorial on my neighbors, another about Feng Shui, and a skit about scaring children. I'm actually about to start working on a video about my first tattoo. Chances are they're up already or will be in the next few days.

When you've got a fan of FFVII on your hands there are certain questions one needs to ask.

Aerith or Tifa? Aerith; she had an awesome death scene. Tifa's a total
fanservice bunny.
Does Cloud seem a bit whiny? He's EMO.
Is Sephiroth just misunderstood? No, he's way past that stage now.
Are you haunted by Sephiroth's theme? Nope. *gasp*
Aerith's ghost: game glitch or intentional story element? Aerith's WHAT?!

Raging Titter would like to thank Aije, now Aij3, for taking the time and giving us a little insight from the front lines in the war on content control.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 10 (Perils Of Heedlessness)

2007-03-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 10 (Perils Of Heedlessness)

Get Scared, It's Our Biggest Show Yet.

Featuring:

Petsandme

SinisterPurpose Gets Emotional

World of Warcraft Report

Bonus: Interview with Youtube's Aije, Viva Voce Blog

As Always, we're complete with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Academy Awards Stopped Cold By Cultural 'Terrorists'

2007-02-26T09:16:00.000-08:00

The Academy Awards were interrupted last night by a troupe of unknown actors. A group of waiters from Wolfgang Puck's well known restaurant Spago infiltrated the squadron of seat fillers at this years Oscars, Fight Club style. They proceeded to interrupt another forgettable comedy sketch and/or musical number with Shakespeare. The first of these cultural "terrorists" made his way onto the stage and predictably began soulfully reciting Hamlet's soliloquy. The next terrorist, a young lady, began reciting acting class favorite Lady Macbeth's "Out damn spot" monologue. These two were followed by five others, each of whom delivered lines with less and less sincerity. The Finale came when an older member of the "cultural terrorist cell" climbed on stage and began alternately screaming "A pox on both your houses" and "Where's my Oscar".

The insurgents were then removed from the stage by several beautiful women in evening dresses. These women appeared to have specialized military training.

"You haven't lived until you've been tackled by woman in a Prada evening dress and beaten with one of those little gold statues," said one of the actors/waiters/terrorists.

The group was arraigned this morning, summarily found guilty of making a point, and sentenced to "community service by performing exceptionally abstract one person shows."

Martin Scorsese had no comment.

A Recently Accepted Submission to the Raging Titter Recycling Dumpster

2007-02-21T05:20:00.000-08:00

***Raging Titter is not interested in submissions like this. ***

Dear Darling,

I write to you knowing that you will never read this. I know I walked away when I shouldn't have. This letter is my attempt at distilling the best times we had into a single perfect moment. It's funny but I always loved you most when you were angry. Angry with me.

When you said “I love you” even when I think you really meant it; it seemed, I don't know, somehow hollow. But the time after we ate at your mother's house and I started a fight in the car. I still remember how you said you wanted to call me a son of a bitch but that would be an insult to sons of bitches. I thought “she must really love me, and she's funny. That's me all over I guess. I'm never really sure that an emotion exists within someone until I see it's polar opposite.

Remember the time when we were standing on that little footbridge near downtown by the newly installed sundial and fountain? Yeah, the time I should have kissed you and I didn't. You craned your neck and leaned against my chest and I just thought you were cold or tired. I could feel your curly hair piercing through my T-shirt introducing itself to my chest hair. My chest hair understood immediately, just took a while for the brain to get the memo. I will never experience a more seductive moment in my life. I still think you knew that when you did it. I was just a coward. I felt like a kiss from me would defile you somehow.

But I'd have chances o' plenty to defile you. You'll never know how much I appreciated your willingness for sexual experimentation. How you helped me handle my juvenile insecurities by allowing me to believe I could fuck the memory of other men out of you. You went through the rigmarole of sexual adventure so I could communicate my desires without the shame of speaking the words. I know this will disappoint you, but those are words I still cannot say. Reminds me a little of our last fight when you hurled the most sustained stream of insults I'd ever heard. That's to this day, mind you. I doubt I could replicate even a few seconds of it. I do remember the last one though.

“You kinky motherfucker.” Nothing you said before or after ever hurt so bad. Those words stab right into the heart of my shame. Still do.

I don't want you to think I need you to apologize, because I don't. I'm simply cataloging my strongest memories of you.

***This is exactly the kind of touchy feely crap that belongs on our sister site Creative Panic***

Raging Titter Radio Episode 9 (Voices in the Dark)

2007-02-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 9 (Voices in the Dark)

Raging Titter 2.0 is here. We're out of Beta. We rode a wave of momentum over Gamma and Delta.

That's right spitches, we're in Epsilon

The New Empire Starts Here in Episode 9

Featuring:

The Girls of Myspace

Simply Limeade

Obtaining Interviews

As always, we're complete with soundtrack. Music by Friends for Friends.

New York State Senator Carl Krueger Switches Party Affiliation.

2007-02-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

27^th District New York State Senator Carl Krueger announced he'd be changing his party affiliation from Nannycrat to CompleteNutSackican. Reports later revealed he chose the move to CompleteNutSackians after he'd been rebuffed by the Coalition of Total Cockbags. He is however still taking meetings with the NMW (National Media Whores).

Senator Krueger announced his change in party only after he'd announced plans to introduce legislation which would ban the use of Ipods and other modern “electrified contraptionry”.

“Newfangled gadgetry has created an oppressive atmosphere of terror which not only robs New Yorkers of their God Given right to live in drudgery, but also enables evil spirits to possess them and engage in activities which threaten the interests I faithfully represent.”

Some critics have speculated that Senator Krueger maybe pandering to the “over a hundred years young” portion of his constituents.

Senator Krueger then pointed to his official website and the fact that it has not been updated in over 18 months as evidence of his anti-technology credentials. He also insisted that he was changing his first name to “Satchel”. “Satch” for short.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 8 (The Unkindest Cut)

2007-02-07T00:57:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 8 (The Unkindest Cut)

This episode wasn't built in a day.

Featuring:

Rotten Apple

Jelly Beans

Disappearing Kitten

As Always we're complete with soundtrack. Kick your Cleopatra jones.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 7 (Appointment with Dis)

2007-01-30T00:13:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode Seven (Appointment With Dis)

We let it all fizzle and pop.

Featuring:

Peanut Butter

Joey the Janitor

California with a K

As always, we're complete with soundtrack. And leaving early.

Podcast Homepage

Raging Titter Radio Episode 6 (Candy Hearts & Snowflakes)

2007-01-22T23:49:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 6 (Candy Hearts & Snowflakes)

Because if loving Raging Titter Radio is Wrong, you don't want to Right.

Featuring:

Valentimes
Wiki Wiki Wah Wah
Cholly, Finally.

As always we're complete with soundtrack. Warm melodies for cold hearts.

Jobs admits fundamental flaws in Iphone design.

2007-01-18T08:21:00.000-08:00

Steve Jobs held several impromptu “press conferences” in the bar areas of places like Jillians, Espnzone, and Hard Rock Cafe.

“Lemme tell you shumsin bout Iphone. 'Sa fake. 'Sall smoke and bullshit.”

After stumbling, pitching forward, and then proclaiming several times that he was okay, Jobs added, “Ishnotefen a fucking phone.” Jobs then grabbed a stray Ipod off the bar and put it to his ear.

“ 'Lo. This is a fanboy tech journalist. I'm nidiot.” Apple's most recognizable face then laughed manically for what seemed like forever.

Jobs then admitted to a connection between himself and certain new Youtube celebrities.

“I personally fucked all them bitches. Including that bald fuck. What can I say? The great and powerful Jobs cock turns people into mindless drones bent on making poorly crafted jokes that double as commercials.” These portions of Jobs's statements were translated by someone who was also drunk, but not as drunk.

Jobs queried everyone in the bar as to "what the fuck they were going to do about it." Jobs then endlessly requested that no one in the bar "playa hate".

Raging Titter Radio Episode 5 (Epiphany and the Gentle Madness)

2007-01-15T23:11:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode 5 (Epiphany and the Gentle Madness)

It's the Grendel of Raging Titter Radio.

Smashing Pumpkins
Get Psyched!
Tim Burton is a douche

As always we're complete with soundtrack. And Unplugged.

Podcast Homepage

Raging Titter Radio Podcast

2007-01-08T23:45:00.000-08:00

Raging Titter Radio Episode Four. (Entropy vs. Fantasy aka Beans vs. CornBread)
We fire off a butt rocket of fun in Episode 4.

Mandy Moore
Cell Phone Interview
Screw Editing

Brick Chuntley is back with another Celebrity Shredder.

As Always, we're complete with soundtrack. Completely by Chance.

Podcast Homepage

Gerald Ford Moved, Cloned Beef Blamed.

2006-12-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

The body of Gerald Ford moved today, unexpectedly. After arriving at the capitol rotunda, the arm of the former president violently twitched for about five minutes, say onlookers. Then the body climbed out of it's ornate casket and began wandering around. It seemed to just be looking around considering it's surroundings and then proceeded to fall down some stairs. Some present began to panic. Some reports report that current president George W. Bush screamed the word “Zombie” in the manner of a terrified 8 year old girl from Texas.

“The former president is not a zombie,” a nearby man in a white lab coat remarked from the shadows. “In cases of zombism, said zombie will move menacingly toward the nearest living person uttering a raspy yet distinct 'braaaaiiiiiiiiiins'. As all of you can plainly see the president's corpse doesn't seem interested in any of the living people present. As it walks around its arms are not outstretched in an alarming manner. Also, it is not dragging one leg behind it as if the leg no longer functions.” Many present made mouth sounds generally regarded as signifying acceptance and understanding of this explanation. The man in the white lab coat further explained the situation.

“What we are seeing is the result of the president's consumption of a portion of cloned beef just prior to his death. The former president did not die from the consumption of this cloned beef. It provided his body with protein, several essential B vitamins, and other trace minerals. Unfortunately, a common side effect of the consumption of cloned beef or milk is short term postmortem reanimation.”

The nonzombified body of the former president ambled around for about five more minutes and at which time it returned to its casket.

“What was it doing?” An unidentified woman later identified as Condoleeza Rice asked.

"Looking for its portal,”answered the man in the white coat.

“Portal?”

“Jesus. Didn't any of you people watch Dead Like Me?”

2006-12-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

Saddam Hussein Executed a few sublime 360s...

Then they hung him from the vert ramp.

Media outlets were always quick to report on anything and everything Saddam Hussein was up to, except his love of "sidewalk surfing". Saddam would often sneak out of his palaces at night to grind on statues and monuments. They say it was his painstaking and relentless dedication which was integral in the development of the "darkslide".

Saddam, known as a ferocious dictator, was a humble if not fully stoked skater. When he demanded that the Republican Guard start a "Sk8 Corps" for an eventual run at the X games everyone feared the worst. But Saddam always looked pleased when he atttended "Sk8 Corps" practice. Surprising everyone, Saddam always quickly offered an enthusiastic "wicked sick" or a stoic yet sincere "decent" to anyone and everyone. Including women. He was once heard to remark, "Sure she's a chick, but did you see that kickflip to indy!?!"

Saddam's coffin will be wheeled out to its final resting place on a handcarved 7 foot long by 2 and a half foot replica of Powell Peralta Rose Bones Deck. The trucks carved from Mahgony and the wheels fashioned from the finest marble. All pallbearers will wear black Vans.

Cheer and celebrate the death of Hussein the brutal dictator, but hang your head low and mourn, if only for a moment, the death of Saddam of Dogtown.

2006-12-22T21:21:00.000-08:00

Inches Speech

A special holiday shout out to the double H crew.

Chrismahanaqwanzaka............Who cares!?! Gimmee!!!

2006-12-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

In so not the spirit of the holiday...

Top 10 Christmas Gifts I'd love to get but won't because they are impossible.

10. Clever Snark at my fingertips. Is it so bad to long for a Capotesque wit without all the other Capoteness

9. Raging Titter breaks this guy. Because after hearing him in a coffee house for 10 minutes. I bought his CD.

8. How I Met Your Mother not unceremoniously cancelled. It's going to happen. Just wait. The only thing that will hang on is that awful Julia Louis Dreyfuss mess. And Seinfeld was lame. Yeah, I said it. You read it. I'm up in your precious television memories, killing ur d00ds.

7. Wave Theory to release their fucking album already. Ya Dead.

6. A sci-fi show as consistently interesting and compelling as Quantum Leap.

5. The comedy instincts of an 18 year old girl. Particularly this one. Pero, you know what, she's funnier than me on my best day.

4. Junk Science starts reporting things that are actually uplifting. Global warming isn't real. Great, whatever. "This just in, genie's are real and they really grant wishes. But not like Wishmaster."

3. That moment that takes an idealistic college graduate and turns him into a completely materialistic and driven suit.

2. Death to Baby Boomers!!! Yeah. I'm still on about that.

1. Finally, A job for the suit. Oh and peace on earth and good will and all that Miss America jazz. How come there isn't a Mister America? Just Wondering.

Top 5 Christmas Gifts I'd love to get but I won't because I'm the biggest dork I know.

An Evil Shredder Shirt from Smosh.com

A Large Mug bearing The Overnightscape symbol

The Tiki Bar cap

The Metafilter Compilation Album

Rockabilly Flame Beanie

And that's it baby.

2006-12-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

Mortal Kombat Theme

I'm really enjoying this post a video blogging. I don't have to search the web for content or come up with thoughtful pontifications about that content. Anyway until I come up with something more creative. You'll just have to enjoy this circus of dorkdom.

2006-11-29T16:59:00.000-08:00

Gears of War Trailer

There are no words.

2006-10-29T22:32:00.000-08:00

When the going gets.

Things here at Raging Titter Corporate have been descending into uncharted levels of hell with clockwork regularity. In order to keep the staff motivated I like to draw on lessons from various interests of mine. All this week, our motivational lessons will be scooped unceremoniously and shamelessly from the vast amount of boxing video on YouTube. Let's start with the fundamental. And I don't mean "the fundamentals". I mean the only one that matters at all. The one you can't get into the ring without. Heart. You can't do anything without it. In it's absence we are merely playthings of the fates. In the cacophony of circumstance the songs of our lives are drown out if we haven't the heart to sing out. Without this crucial muscle we are utterly without melody.

So as you watch this clip of what may in fact be the greatest round in the history of the sport of boxing, make yourself a new little wristband with five simple letters. WWAGD. What Would Arturo Gatti Do?

Overwhelmed by bills? WWAGD.

Can't find a decent job? WWAGD.

Politicians trying to legislate in your underpants?
WWAGD.

Take three minutes from your busy goddamn life and look at what capital fucking H Heart looks like. Besides, we all know what Jesus would do. He'd climb up on a cross and die.

Watch this little 9th round symphony and start wondering, WWAGD.

Never let them silence you.

2006-10-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

Politician speaks the TRUTH

Every little once in a while, a politician's political instincts just drain right out. If you aren't angry about something this election season, you need to see what the world is like one day off your overpriced meds. I disrespectfully yield the balance of my time.

2006-10-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

Lou Dobbs on The Daily Show: War on The Middle Class

Booyah Hodads!!! Raging Titter is independently verified by Lou Dobbs.

Finally, a totalitarianism for my generation!!!

2006-10-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

I've just received an email from Google informing me that Raging Titter is in violation of the end user license agreement (EULA) which I "signed" when I created this blog. Essentially the nature of the violation boils down to "the complete and total lack of political content on your blog for a significant period of time". If we wish to keep our space here we have to get political. Stupid October.

The problem, as I see it politically, is that there are zero candidates campaigning on the most important issue facing people of my generation. That issue is the complete and total lack of economic justice for those in and around my age group. The nature of this economic injustice crosses color, gender, and most other social lines. There is a severe deficit of good jobs for my generation. Most people my age I know work more than one job. Most people my age I know have trouble getting hired for anything other than service jobs. Most people my age I know have college degrees. We have become the generation of Fight Club. We are "an entire generation pumping gas". We are a generation in despair. And that career related despair is what brings the apathy, political and otherwise.

The problem? The workforce is swollen like a piss filled balloon with Baby Boomers. Baby boomers occupy all of the careers for which people of my generation went to college. Not only that but they also hold most of the decent jobs that provide benefits. An old hippy conspiracy sits in the higher offices of the companies that offer us $9.00 an hour.

$9.00 an hour. No benefits.

They offer to pay us 3-4 gallons of gas an hour. It's not their problem how far we have to drive to get to these jobs. If you want to deliver pizza the cost of the gas and car insurance is on you. $9.00 an hour.

Many of us accepted student loans in order to get through college. Much of the time even the minimum payments are far more than we can afford. Student loans are the beginning of a deadly debt cycle which destroys our credit and keeps us from buying our own homes.

It was Baby Boomers who pushed the manufacturing centers further and further outside our cities and towns. They are the architects of urban sprawl.

They charge us entire paychecks to live in the houses and apartments they fled for suburbia. In order to combat this we are forced to live in something akin to the communes they themselves could not maintain. Their dreams have become our nightmares.

As our collective health deteriorates, they receive prescriptions for oxycodone and dozens of pills to cure their "sniffles". They demand Viagra while we humbly request payment plans that won't financially cripple us further. The thought of breaking a bone scares us to death.

When our financial crisis backs us back into the nest, they mock us, openly.

The time for generational warfare is at hand.

We need a candidate who will run on a platform of immediate, mandatory, and unconditional retirement of the Baby Boomers. The Boomers must be removed from the workforce by force. In order to avoid violence toward the boomers we must begin a program of containment. The well known gated communities of suburbia must become protective detention facilities. We will use the private security companies already employed in these communities to sentry these locations. Barbed wire will be added to the walls.

Obviously these "detainees" will be allowed to leave for certain essential services. They will need their prescriptions more than ever. So that they might be identified within the public at large they will be required to wear distinctive clothing, an armband perhaps.

Funding these facilities will come from the reclamation of the 401ks, IRAs, and liquidation of the stocks owned by these guests of the state. If they do not have independent savings, funds will be appropriated from their monthly Social Security. If they do not qualify for Social Security, arrangements will be made.

Until such a time as our candidate can emerge we must engage in guerilla cultural warfare. Understanding our unseemly enemy will provide us with all the intelligence necessary to strike their weakest points.

They fear discomfort, disease and death. In that order. We must pool our meager resources and strike a blow at the first of these fears. Attacks must first appear under the radar. Consider yourselves warned Baby Boomers, your pizzas will arrive cold, your toilets unscrubbed, and your cappuccinos foamless. Or all foam. Whichever is more offensive. We must contaminate their streams of commerce with unsatisfactory experience. Gradually our intent will become crystal clear. Without their creature comforts our enemy will crumble like a scone. A scone under an inarthritic fist tightly gripping the brass knuckles of justice.

/political rant

***Out Of Touch Movie Review***

1976's Network

It came to me, as if in a dream.

Raging Titter On The Left......

2006-07-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

~Special Thanks to Squadcast~

We here at Raging Titter wanted to show our appreciation for the brief mention we got on the Squadcast aftershow this week. The editorial staff agreed that a "solid" this huge needed to be repaid in kind. Personally, I think we owe Anthony an especially huge debt. It was Anthony's most kind and sincere ejaculation of "WHO?!?" which caused Scott to mention our humble little space here A SECOND TIME. It was Cholly's idea to take care of an especially malicious problem with which Anthony has been stalwartly and silently struggling for many months now. I'm talking about the pre-op transexual hooker with the prosthetic hand and bad teeth from Queens. Anthony, you know, the one with the "big eyes" whose mouth is cheap to open, yet incredibly expensive to close. Let's just say Anthony's beer money isn't going to be building any more "cardboard condos". Our staff photographer hopes you appreciate the photo. He also apologizes for the darkness of the picture but, you know, evidence.

Raging Titter will also debut a less felonious surprise for Squadcast next week.

I'm dedicating the rest of this post to things which I think have been unduly forgotten. We're going to start with one of my favorite internet legends, Libby Hoelle r. Libby will always have a special place in my heart because she's from my very own state. She also singlehandedly put to bed one of my most hotly debated and controversial topics ever discussed under the influence of black light and Boone's Farm. Specifically, I mean why some of the chicks in our dorm took so long answering the door. God Bless you Libby Hoeller.

Let's keep the happy vibe rolling out with our next topic, September 11th. As I was getting my hair cut I heard one of the stylists shouting to an elderly woman under a hair dryer that she couldn't wait to see the World Trade Center movie. Really? Was your cable box stuck on HGTV that day? Was your reality user interface on the fritz that day? Did you forget to set your tragedy alarm? Let me save you from yourself, o butcher of follicles. Try a movie called Fearless. Now I'll grant that watching a movie that you don't already have an expectation of what you're supposed to feel at the end can be quite the emotional gambit. However, I find quite often it is worth the risk.

Now this next thing might be something I just keep forgetting, but I'm only of average intelligence so I suspect others have forgotten as well. Stay in touch with your exes. They are the greatest resource of dating advice you will ever find. They know you, so they don't have to speak in generalities or hypotheticals. Once again, they know you, so they probably know how to talk to you. Here's a couple of recent gems from a few women that didn't work out:

1< "You're acting like the mayor of Crazytown on election night."

2< "You know what your problem is? You don't know how to chase girls. You always make them come to you. At least break out into a jog every little once in a while. It'd be good for you, you silly goddamned pork chop of a man."

3< "I don't want to help you with your girl troubles. I have to. What you were like when we were together I don't wish on any woman. Ever."

4<"You have to stop thinking of yourself as charming; you aren't charming. You have character. You're memorable. You're like a perfectly restored 68 Dodge Super Bee with one primer gray door."

5<"You're very charming; you're just impossible sometimes. At least you were. You're still impossible aren't you? ADMIT IT!!!.............. Sorry. You should do that thing where you brush the back of your hand across her cheek before you kiss her."

***Out of Touch Comic Book Review***

Transmetropolitan

The guys at The Ozone Nightmare Podcast got me hooked on the sweet Spider Jerusalem junk.

Who's the Pussy?!?

2006-06-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

Memorial day weekend ended unceremoniously with Mr. Purpose here agreeing to watch The Notebook. The Notebook? Jim Rockford reading to the Director's mom a story about stuff that didn't happen. Wait, that's my theory. I could not enjoy this movie. Before I get into that, just where the fuck is the Rockford Files remake movie. Another summer is coming and still no Rockford Files Movie? But there's a Dallas remake in the works? Fuck you Hollywood. Fuck you in all three Os.

Meanwhile back at the review of The Notebook. It's a bunch of flat characters shifted around very familiar Romantic territory (Titanic but shorter and less meaningful). It's the kind of love story with which I just cannot connect. And I connected with the love story that was MAD ABOUT YOU. That's right, I'm not a tough room. My heartstrings get pulled real easy and I love the songs they sing. However, this goddamn notebook thing is a complete fantasy. That's why I think I can defend the film on an artistic level.

First of all this is a movie about a book and reading. Adapted from a book largely about the power of reading. That's a really tough conceit. And I've read books. Books I didn't have to read. Unfortunately, I'm not compelled to read.

Something I always remember from college is that the presence of literature within literature is a very important concept which should be understood as a literary sign post. It's a strip bar huge pink neon flashing sign that reads: "This is fiction. This is a construct. Start drawing parallels between how the characters react to the literature and how you are reacting to this literature."

The entire love story with Noah and young Allie, is so sugary sweet and almost unbearably without conflict. Fortunately, that's just like real people. Within the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, we're always the unmitigated hero or the victim of forces we cannot possibly control. We lie to ourselves about ourselves all the time, it's partially responsible for making our lives tolerable. We later find out that The Notebook that Jim Rockford reads was written by dementia lady, presumably in a moment of lucidity. So "The Notebook", the object not the title, is literally a story she tells herself about herself through the specter of James Garner.

So I'm not a Reader. I like books structured mostly like my favorite movies. The Matrix, Evil Dead (all of em), SuperTroopers, and 9 to 5. And I'll admit those are not the most intelligent films ever burned to celluloid. Ladies, please, before you put us in a diabetic coma and/or existential crisis, please for the love of God and Oprah, consider the film which is the motherfucking blueprint for this genre. Of course I'm talking about Love Story. She's a ball breaker and you love her for it. He's an oaf and emotionally immature, but you love him for it. The Supporting cast is absolutely charming. And the score is possibly the most extraordinary character.

My advice to every man who was forced to watch The Notebook goes thusly:
1> Clandestinely procure a copy of Love Story.
2> Tie your chick to a chair and prop her eyelids open with toothpicks.
3> Press play.
4> Yell randomly throughout the film, "See, it doesn't have to be absolutely fucking retarded!"
5> Repeat as necessary.

Another decent podcast has fallen victim to the podshow machine. American Cliche is always worthwhile. Will it be tolerable peppered with Go Daddy and Earthlink ads? Uncertainty abounds here at Raging Titter Headquarters. Sure podshow has its "make advertising not suck or some other such shite" contest happening as I type. The idea seems sound enough and I'll admit I'm intrigued. That's not the problem. The concrete problem I've got with podshow absorbing every podcast is that I hear the same ads over and over and over. If podcasting in general and podshow in particular insist on infecting podcasts with advertising then let's diversify the advertising a wee bit. American Cliche brought to you by American Eagle Outfitters. Squadcast brought to you by Chipotle and Xbox. Pacific Coast Hellway brought to you by Vaseline brand petroleum jelly. Enjoy that Vaseline site. There's almost a tit!

***Out of Touch Music Review***
1987's Kick by INXS
Sometimes you just have to hear Guns in the Sky.

Big Pink Liquor Drink.........

2006-03-31T08:16:00.000-08:00

"You have no life and I have to go before it rubs off." ~A voice from my past~

"If you want my vote, you don't dis my Jesus." ~Jeff from Republicans Behaving Badly~

Thanks to Bruce from Cool Shite and Robert from Podtrac for their comments on the last post.

And now, on to P-Dub. Perhaps clarification is in order. I'm a fan of Digital Flotsam I still haven't deleted the R.I.P podcast. Living history sits in my Ipod. When I first got my Ipod and started to hear podcasts on a regular basis I was a huge podshow fanboy. However, the uniforming effect it's having on the podcasts it absorbs is disturbing me. That Go Daddy ad is just fucking obnoxious. Just because you say "badass" doesn't mean it's not the same old annoying advertising. It's the Earthlink chime all over again.

Oh, and for the less tech savvy among the readership, you DO NOT need an mp3 player of any kind to listen to podcasts. The two things just happened to coincide for me. Come on over, we're having a revolution.

I finally checked out a site my Dad told me about. It's called Full of Bologna. It got shut down for a weekend by a COURT ORDER. Here's the local newspaper's take on it. The one that I never read. I can't even be bothered to read past the headlines on Google News. In an effort to learn more about the site, I stumbled across the Oshblog and then to it's big brother Oshkosh News. If those responsible for Oshkosh News haven't been interviewed by Bob on Media Matters, then they should be. By the way, I'm both sincerely proud and deeply ashamed that my Dad is way more cutting edge than me.

In a sincere attempt to make the most of our position at the scabbing edge of pop culture, we've developed the 24 minute movie review. I've written down my general impressions during the first 12 minutes of a movie and during the final 12 minutes of a movie. Appropriately enough, our first movie is about a retard. Pumpkin comes to us from the year 2002 courtesy of the Oshkosh Public Library and my eerie and unerring ability to spot Cristina Ricci from across a room. I developed this ability after I saw Prozac Nation.

Anyway, on with it.

~~First 12~~

Don't you usually need to read french to experience satire this flawless?

The three chicks from the opposing sorority are absolutely Shakespearian.

What's Cristina Ricci doing? She does some great acting through pantylines and erect nipples.

This might be the most compelling retard-in-a-Fila-track-suit movie I'll see this year.

~~Final 12~~

Sombreros? This had better be huge.

Like every great movie, I don't know how to feel at the end.

I'm considering switching from Juice to a new podcast aggregator. Juice is pissing me off. It always downloads two seperate yet identical copies of Soccergirlinc. Every time. I don't have the emotional wherewithal to wait patiently for my aggregator's infatuation with Soccergirl to subside.

Jack Clark of Blast the Right distills current events into digestable half hours from an often underexposed point of view, that of the intelligent liberal. If Democrats want any real media exposure they must either appear exceptionally weak or completely batshit nuts. Exhibit A. Give that picture a good long look. He's "crazy" high.

Somehow I found the different drummer soundtrack. This guy writes with the finesse with which I wish I could think. He talks about the weather the way you wish everyone else would.

Has it been sometime since you had yourself a good solid geek tweak? The Ozone Nightmare Podcast needs your attention. These guys point their Lightening Gun like wit at everything that really matters. Let Joe and Lando illuminate topics like: the RIAA, George Lucas's plot to destroy Boba Fett, and the motherfucking Alliance and why they fight like little girls with a raging sugar jones. T-Bluff Represent!

###METAFILTER###

Here's the metafilter link I spent the most time with this week.

***Out of Touch Book Review ***

I read Geek Love when I was 15. I still refer to it in conversation. A lot.

Love is in the airwaves....

2006-03-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

Cholly is waist deep in research right now. He's starting to take his responsibilities as "Love and Sex" editor seriously.

HBO and I haven't been on speaking terms in some time. That bitch hurt me bad. At the end of the last season of Six Feet Under I realized that it had been over for a long time and I just wasn't admitting it. So as these things often do, my love affair with HBO ended over the telephone.

Cable Operator: Are you sure you want to cancel this service Mr. Purpose?

Me: Yes, yes I'm sure.

Cable Operator: May I ask why?

Me: Look, I know it's your job to ask that question, but unlike every other time you ask it, I have an answer. It seems to me that HBO and I have been together a long time and I just feel like HBO takes far more than it gives. Yeah, sure we have some laughs and a good cry together every now and then, but that's not enough. I watch endlessly and in my desperation I've learned to like what's on. No matter what's on. Don't get me wrong, there's still some things that I love about HBO. Of course I'll miss The Wire and oh sweet baby Jesus will I miss the ever living shit out of Boxing. But I can't do it anymore. I can't continue to hand over 10 dollars a month and get self obsessed Larry David and one note jokes like Da Ali G Show in return. And the worst part is, I knew it was over when Mr. Show left. I fucking knew it.

Cable Operator: You could have just said you didn't have time to watch it. I don't have a box I can check for 'falling out of love'. I had to type that whole mess.

Me: You'll have it off by Monday?

Cable Operator: I'll turn it off today if you want. Is that what you want?

Me: Yes, fine, make it today.

Cable Operator: Are you sure? I don't want you to call back in an hour begging me to turn it back on.

Me:Turn it off. Turn it off this minute.

Cable Operator: It's done. I should tell you Mr. Purpose that you will receive a refund for the unused portion of this month's subscription. $3.62 will be credited to your account.

Me: Keep it.

And then I hung up and that was it. One of the longest and most extraordinary relationships I'd ever had came to a very ordinary end, exactly like that season of Six Feet Under. I thought it was over. I had Netflix almost every night and stopped thinking about HBO altogether. Sadly, time and certain other constraints soon drove me to push away Netflix as well. I thought this was also for the best. I thought I finally understood everything. HBO taught me that all relationships, no matter what they're built on, inevitably lead to disappointment and loss. Through my time with Netflix I learned that even if you can have whatever you desire, it too, becomes not enough. I didn't need either of them. Until about a week ago.

HBO slipped back onto my radar in a place I never expected. HBO suddenly started sponsoring podcasts, a few to which I am a regular listener. I first heard it on Cool Shite on the Tube. I actually rewound (or whatever the iPod equivalent is) to hear it again. I thought it was a joke, something the Coolshiters would call a "piss take". Then I heard a similar ad on American Cliche. Then I heard it on another episode of Cool Shite. HBO crept back into my unconscious.

Interestingly enough I haven't heard any mention of this HBO sponsorship on a single Podshow podcast. It's funny, while I listen to Adam Curry's daily struggle with the molding of an unobtrusive advertising model suitable for podcasting, I'm out here being effectively influenced by it. Oh, and as an aside, That noxious Earthlink noise at the beginning of their podcast spots splits my fucking ears. Humans can habituate themselves to many noises; cats meowing, sirens wailing, fat techno beats, the tortured screams of fellow humans, but that god awful Earthlink noise is just not meant for people's ears. It's the noise I imagine damned souls hear inside hell's elevators.

I believe it was the subtlety of HBO's podcast spots that made them most effective. It hadn't been unceremoniously thrust into one of my favorite podcasts complete with it's very own irritating noise, no, these new HBO podcast spots were unobtrusive and they sat just out of consciousness waiting for the right time to strike. That time came when I went to pay my cable bill. As usual, my local cable provider office was filled with merchandising for the various pay channels. Showtime flirted with me, whispering promises of an offbeat and quirky good time. The Movie Channel stood statuesque reminding me of my first youthful dalliances with pay television. Cinemax, as always, shook its ass in my general direction. HBO just stood there waiting for my approach. I swear that O winked at me, just a little. Suddenly I felt all that standoffishness that had held us apart for so long dissipate. HBO caught me on a good day, a day when I felt master of myself and the world around me. It was on before I returned home. Welcome home baby.

Let me tell you, baby has not disappointed. I just watched the first episode from the new season of The Sopranos. If you haven't seen it and someone even seems like they might tell you something about it, you don't hesitate to beat them down Paulie Walnuts style. If that episode is any indication of what's to come then run to the phone and get HBO back. It's The Sopranos you remember loving.

If all of that wasn't enough, my Sunday night just proceeded to get better and better. First, Squadcast returned and though it was only half of the Squadcast crew, it was, as Larry so succinctly put it, twice the show. Even though it was just Larry and Scott it was a nice transition after missing a week. It's nice to ease back into the organized chaos of an ensemble like Squadcast rather than dropping right back in again. Scott closed the show with music from My Little Radio. I'm a sucker for female vocalists fronting for rock bands. Bands like Concrete Blonde and The Short Fuses get my blood moving. After hearing My Little Radio's Waste Another Night, I immediately located their webpage so I could purchase the album. There is no album, yet. I anxiously await it.

After Squadcast I meandered down to the local IHOP and indulged in some pancakes so decadent only the insulin production industry could have concocted them. I recommend the Cinn A Stacks but don't eat them late at night or you'll end up on your blog not knowing how or where to stop.

IHOP also provided something I thought had gone the way of all things, a waitress who knew how to do her job. She was attentive without being intrusive. When I invited her to help me make a choice from the menu, she did so perfectly. When I left her tip, I didn't feel like the victim of some socially sanctioned extortion. I felt like she'd really earned it. I felt like I owed it to her and was happy to pay it.

Speaking of restaurants, there's a podcast out there that's undergone a format change that merits a mention. 4th Time Around was a podcast out of Chicago that I'd listened to and enjoyed somewhat. The episodes I'd heard revolved around the two hosts and how much in love they were. That's cute, but only for a while. Now there's a new name and format. They're going to review restaurants in a freeform style ala Cartalk. I only live a few hours from Chicago and am suddenly keenly interested in this podcast.

***Out Of Touch Movie Review***
1998's Bulworth
Despite certain technical flaws, Halle Berry and Warren Beatty dancing in the nightclub is still the hottest thing I've ever seen on film. Oh yeah, and it's on HBO this month.

Ok so it's been a month.........

2006-02-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

Everyone is different. If I bump into someone from the past, I freeze up. Sometimes I have the wherewithal to act aloof. But not Cholly. Upon encountering this dilemma Cholly cocks head to the side real hard and does his best Andrew "Dice" Clay impression. "You got a fucking problem?" Which is always promptly followed by, "Do I fucking know you?" Everyone is Different.

Something is way overdue. Tiki Bar TV is literally the finest video podcast out there. And that's not just because it's the only video podcast I've ever seen. They teach you a new drink in every episode. Make sure you watch one of these podcasts before you do anything else today. Trust me on this and trust Cholly that if 151 rum is in any way involved with your breakfast there's nothing you can accomplish. Not one thing.

About a week ago I had an entirely new breakfast. Corn bread pancakes are phenomenal. However, the coffee was dogshit so I won't be mentioning where I had these pancakes. Oh I'll leave a decent enough tip, but then I'll go home and withhold my meaningless advertising power. Cholly talked me into it.

While we're on the subject of eating, I watched the first and only season of Fat Actress. I knew nothing of this series until last week. I haven't had Showtime since Jeff Fahey was working. Think The Office only in English. Think Curb Your Enthusiasm only more self obsessed. Think Seinfeld only funny.

My local public radio is having a pledge drive. Why do they think if they hold programming hostage that we'll just pay the ransom? I do not negotiate with cultural terrorists. A few places do deserve my money and they will get it.

The History According to Bob podcast lets you custom make a CD of your favorite podcasts. For just $10 you can let your ears do the learning while your eyes and hands continue to play Xbox 360.

Dailysonic now has a "donate" button. If you give $15 or more you get a T-shirt. That's a premium, not some awful book or a dinner with a public radio drone. Plus it's no secret that the T-shirts you wear define you as a person. Define yourself as a Dailysonic listener.

KPFA is most definitely the best listener sponsored terrestrial radio station out there. Give them a listen then give them some money.

I found some Israeli money the other day and I got a little curious about the meaning of the symbols on the coins. I'm fascinated by what gets put on money. I learned a few things but not much. As I was about to give up my search someone on the radio used the phrase "coin of the realm" and I began to wonder about the origin of that phrase. I did a search and came up with very little. However I did find this sermon which defied my idea of modern Christianity. I also discovered this statement by Senator Feinstein. Wait a minute the US Senate has a website? Suddenly the whole process of government is more accessible.

Speaking of large organizations some people don't like, Adam Curry's Podshow has acquired Squadcast. I'm a little worried. Podshow's absorption of other podcasts didn't bother me, but ever since that last Digital Flotsam episode I've been a little skeptical. I enjoy Digital Flotsam and the beginning of the last episode was no exception, but then the audio comments started. It was almost exclusively a commercial for Podshow podcasts. The whole thing rang disingenuous and had I not been in the middle of a workout I would have skipped it completely. So will Squadcast stay the same or should I prepare myself for Dawn and Drew making special guest appearances. I don't know. I just don't know.

***Out of Touch Music Review***
1992's Das EFX: Dead Serious
Rhymes so fast, the internet doesn't have the lyrics down straight.

Libarry!!!

2006-01-21T21:16:00.000-08:00

When Cholly said he wanted to leave Raging Titter Corporate offices and see some of the "ordinary people" from right here in Oshvegas, I was hesitant to allow it. He then clarified that he wanted to observe "degenerates, scoundrels, and pseudo-intellectuals of Dostoyevskian magnitude in their nearly natural habitat." I thought, why not? I planned on visiting the public library today anyway.

Cholly crept through the stacks trailing a middle-aged man in lime green snowpants and a T-shirt that read "My Other Shirt Is On a Dead Guy" . The man's name was Ronnie and he was engaged in vigorous socio-political roundtable with a large ball of lint and his own penis. It was exactly like Bill Maher's Real Time on HBO except this had a large ball of lint involved. While Cholly bounded over books to keep pace with his quarry, I had time to reflect on a myriad of items for today's post.

Someone needs to say this and since I'm a take-charge dude so I'm going to say it. Some podcasts are crap. By press time at "The Tit" there were 13,155 podcasts registered with Podcast Alley. With a number that high you know that some podcasts are terrible and not worthwhile in the slightest, there just have to be some. It'd be an incredible statistical anomaly if everyone producing podcasts were getting it 100% right. And hey, I watch NUMB3RS. So I must know what the fuck I'm talking about when it comes to statistical anomalies, drag coefficients, and ratios and shit. The point is, I slog through the muck to find the exceptions and hey howdy have I found one. It's called Escape Pod and it brings the Scifi love. The latest episode contains a terrific rendering of Cory Doctorow's story Craphound. Yes, the Cory Doctorow. The episode previous is adroitly shaped by the voice of Wichita Rutherford. Check out this podcast if you love Sci-fi or you even just like it. Hell, go download an episode now if Sci-fi is just cool to hang with on weekends when your girlfriend is out of town. Don't let this one slip by because your busy trying out the next "two guys talking about whatever" podcast. Slap Escape Pod in your aggregator now, monkeyman!

Remember how much you loved La Bamba? Get ready to love the musical biopic again. Walk the Line should be hitting the second run theatres fairly soon. Start saving your nickels. This film will do a million dollars worth of good for you.

That's absolutely it for the library inspired post. Oh, except for a review of 791.45 D6375 DVD no. 103. If you don't recognize the Dewey decimal number for a Dr. Who DVD, get down to your local library and support it.

***Out of Touch Television***
1984's The Duck Factory
No Virginia, Jim Carey wasn't born Over-the-Top.

AZUCAR!!! DAMN YOU!!!

2006-01-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

"...in a bed with pillows and blankets and dreams."

~Raechel aka Cave Troll ~

Explaining an important distinction in human relationships.

"It wouldn't be successful if it wasn't easy."

~Anna~
Explaining an important aspect of internet business models.

"Sometimes lunch is not easy...it's not easy."

~Frank Edward Nora on The Overnightscape #368~
Explaining the human condition.

As you can probably tell from the picture, Cholly won't be making an appearance this post. He threw himself headlong into the sugar gutter. Cholly cracked under the pressure of his feature deadline and attempted to ripoff a podcaster we both thoroughly enjoy. His ill-conceived plan was to review the candy bars he found in the close-out bin at the local gas station. The plan went rogue. Cholly, leave it to Mr. Nora. If you're curious about The Overnightscape, there's a link to the right. Oh yeah, it has to be easy.

Speaking of easy, instead of coming up with real content the staff decided this post should just continue the long uphill battle reconstructing the great lost bookmark list of 2004. If you've got no idea what I'm talking about, good. I can't go through it again. However, I did write a novel about my harrowing days as an internet junkie. It's 80% bullshit. Oprah will love it.

If your brain has a steady hankering for the smack that is science go enjoy some Michio Kaku. Mr. Kaku's a physicist who kicks out books for people too dumb for physics. People like me and the staff. Well, everyone except for Cholly. He has a doctorate in theoretical physics. Don't ask. I don't know what he's doing here either. If you aren't a reader, Michio has a radio show for your ass. Click the "show archives" and get your learn on.

Some of the readers have expressed concern over certain changes made to the "Favorite Podcasters" links on the right. I didn't think I'd have any splaining to do. Podcasters do not get links over there arbitrarily. If the staff decides that certain podcasts are no longer worthy, those podcasts get the big ugly axe. I don't make the policy, I just follow it. Wait, I do make the policy. It's good to be the king.

***Way Out of Touch Movie Review***
1957's Jailhouse Rock

A genuinely decent flick that outlines the inevitable hubris of sudden wealth and fame.

Cholly's flying solo.........

2006-01-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

Hey Everybody, SinisterPurpose here. Informing and entertaining our readers with the everyday machinations of the Raging Titter has always been a cornerstone of the clingy, semi-creepy, yet remarkably tingly relationship we enjoy with those readers. It is in that same spirit that I choose now to inform you, those who have been wise (and yet at the same time naive) enough to suckle "The Big Tit" about a policy which has always existed here at Raging Titter. It is the editorial practice of this blog to allow our writers a single fancy filled deviation from the unusually harsh editorial constraints typically employed here at the "Tit". No editorial changes will be made to a piece handed in by a writer if the Chief Editor is informed 24 hours in advance that said writer is planning to "discharge" this marker. Cholly has chosen to use this marker on his maiden post. The contents of which have made us rethink this policy entirely. We totally warned you.

YAYER!!! Cholly's all up in this mug and ready to kick this pig into full squeal. As the big 'Purp' told you, I'll be kicking the mad "Love & Sex" knowledge at you. So I'm about to dish my rules of dating while simultaneously letting you in on the secrets of Low-Dough-Nappy-Dugout. Rule Numero Uno, NEVER SPEND MORE MONEY THAN A HOOKER WOULD COST. Cut and Paste that shit into your planner yesterday. It's the hello message on your new RAZR. Stop reading and make that motherfucker your new screensaver.

That's enough theory bullshit, time for the practice. I conducted a pseudo-scientific taste test on three brands of Mac&Cheese. It breaks down like this, Name Brand came out all soupy and shit. Cheap Shit tasted like wet packing peanuts. Store Brand kicked asses up and down the block, came back inside for a shot of Absolut and a Zagnut bar, then ran back outside to continue kicking ass. Hit the store brand and your halfway to getting some touch. I just solved your dinner plans for less than a dollar, beotch. Buy your wine right and you just kick-started romance for less than a sawbuck.

Now for the specialty portion of the program, say you're lucky enough to bring home a newly addicted meth junkie. You know the type, clothes haven't been changed in a day or two. She's four or five steps away from setting up shop in the men's room at a local truck stop. I've got the movie to put her right in the mood. Cookers simmers at first, but then rolls into an uncontrollable boil of paranoia, betrayal, and greed. This is exactly the kind of movie huge Hollywood dollars would totally destroy. Your drug addled new friend will either think you're trying some guerilla rescue shit or you've got one foot in her lifestyle. Whatever she thinks the movie's exploration of her drug of choice will put you on the road toward some belly button patty cake.

Cholly out. Peace in the middle east.

Wow. What a remarkably coherent movie review at the end there. Huh, maybe he's got something after all. If anyone is thinking of following any of Cholly's advice, let's make it fair fellas. Always check market prices with the local working girls so you're aware of the appropriate monetary investment. Who knows, if the hookers in your neighborhood are classy enough, you might spring for some Rice-A-Roni. Oh and I was also part of Cholly's Macaroni and Cheese taste test. I give the "Fallen Flower Honorable Mention Award" to the Py-O-My brand for putting 2 recipe variations on the box.

Speaking of food that's cheap and much maligned, The Munchies Podcast has a great show this week. I've been waiting for an angel of mercy who'd help me dispose of an inherited cache of these great white worms of MSG. In fact, that's what I call the cabinet where I keep these, "Lair of the White Worm". Only there's been no Hugh Grant toddling around to slay these beasts, until now. Bob threw down some recipes that might just pull these cheap little bastards out of the hands of gaunt college students and right into the lunch specials at the local trendier-than-thou coffee hole. Hell, I may even buy more once I've gotten through the stash.

And finally, a plea to parents. Parents please for the love of your SUV or Minivan, whatever denomination you may be, please spend some time with your kids and teach them some Vedic Mathematics. If you don't do this and you let public school have at your little ones mathematically speaking, they'll spend their twenties wandering the streets soliciting homeless people to help them balance their checkbook. You don't want that for them. You really don't.

***Out of Touch Music Review**
1989's Chris Isaak: Wicked Game
Does anyone else still have dreams about that video?

New Year, Same Tit......

2006-01-04T14:35:00.000-08:00

The photography division of Raging Titter has suffered a meltdown; therefore, the descriptions and overall tone of this post will border on the morally reprehensible. We must keep our readers entertained.

Speaking of non-visual entertainment, quickly click to Sci-fi Channel's forgotten but still incredibly excellent Seeing Ear Theatre. Go Now! Before they take down all the content and replace it with an endless loop of commercials for their "Original Movies". After one listen to Neil Gaiman's Snow Glass Apples you'll be completely soaked from the waist down. Well, you have to love radio drama. Love it the way most people love unexpected oral sex in a broom closet at the office Christmas party. Sorry, I meant "Holiday" party. Jews love mouth sex too.

Since we're already there, let's talk about sex podcasts. In short, I've listened to a few. Most are self-indulgent, amateurish, trite, boring, horrible, little nuggets of dried snatch lube. One is not. The Post Modern Geek's Guide to Sex is none of these things. Is it new to the podcasting scene? Yes. Does the host seem, at times, struggling for content? Yes. Will this podcast hit full tilt boogie after the kinks get worked in. Hells YEAH! Unlike PMGGS's counterparts, this show offers solid information and scintillating entertainment in very edible 20 odd minute portions. Marie B gives a damn how her podcast sounds and that's the first sign of an up and coming great fucking podcast. I sounded that like it meant.

For a while now, I've been meaning to highlight another blog. One that I discovered through a random link from Blogger's "Next Blog" bar. Wildfiring pops funny and insightful, competent reviews at you like a tommy gun. Make sure you read through all the Sashaisms. And don't think now you can run off all higgeldy-piggeldy and start using the "Next Blog" all by your lonesome. A fair number of the blogs here, like The Big Tit, suck Japanese businessman ball sweat. Don't you cry about the music. Don't you dare. And Yeah, I did lift that line directly from Pitch Black. If you haven't seen it, click me.

In an effort to lessen the readership of Raging Titter even further I decided to add a "Man on the Street" section. Every single member of the staff still had their New Year's drink on and couldn't go. So the old workhorse, yours truly, walked the 12 blocks to the local video store. It was raining. Oshkosh, Wisconsin on January 4th at 4:30 p.m. it was raining. Regoddamndiculous. As I passed a bar, I realized that the tavern is a holdover from a "walking culture". Now that we drive fucking everywhere we don't need places along the path to warm our chilled bones and tired spirits. In the nasty December rain the small hollow of a barroom's doorstep called out to me. Stepping out of the rain into somewhere warm, comfortable, and inviting became like a forgotten fantasy suddenly reawakened by opportunity. My onetrackmindedness kept me on the path, however, but I will walk again. And I will further explore that most neglected pedestrian landscape. For now, I'm spent.

***Out of Touch Television***
1984's Punky Brewster
Anybody else surprised that the annoying little kid grew up to be oh so totally hot?

Overdue like a library book...

2005-12-19T17:49:00.000-08:00

First things first, a big thank you has to go out to the guys at Squadcast, not only for using my photo to accompany episode 27 of their wicked podcast, but also for encouraging the staff at Raging Titter to finish this project.

Cholly's period of adjustment here has had some ups and down. He's really working hard to fit in. The picture on the right demonstrates a time when Cholly really seemed to be clicking with "The Big Tit" vibe. However, the cred he scored with the photo evaporated like dog piss on a summer sidewalk after he tried to wax hip with our token homosexual intern.

Cholly: "So how you gonna spend Christmas, lemme guess, balls-deep in ass butter?"

She responded that this was, in fact, not the plan.

She then threatened Raging Titter LLC with litigation. I sent her off to insensitivity training and things took care of themselves. By the way, what color tie stridently states "this is NOT a hostile work environment" and whispers "she's off her meds"?

If you play World of Warcraft and you haven't heard of Leeroy Jenkins you're probably sitting in China somewhere farming for gold. However there's now a website devoted to all things Leeroy.
Only the ubergeekiest would wear the Leeroy merch. I'm ordering T-shirts for the entire staff on Friday. That's their Chrismahanakwanzaka bonus.

Newly discovered podcasts currently rocking Raging Titter:

History According to Bob

American Cliche

Orange Lounge Radio

These podcasts will get more extensively reviewed in the coming year.

Newly Discovered podcasts banished from Raging Titter:

Whispered Pearls

Pizzababe Goes Global

These podcasts will never again be mentioned at Raging Titter.

***Out of Touch Television***
1983's Jennifer Slept Here
That's right, starring Ann Jillian. The only chick with enough moxie to play herself.

I'm so excited I might start rapping.....

2005-12-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

Alright Freebotches listen up, I'd like to introduce the new "Love and Sex" advice columnist here at Raging Titter, Cholly.
Cholly, looking for a career change, time-traveled back to our time from the year 2874. He left his old job as national symbol for the holiday season in the country that New Hampshire became after The Free State Project came to fruition. Cholly became overwhelmed with guilt for his role in his home country's festivities. Or as Cholly puts it, "Household pets ain't for eaten' and barnyard animals ain't for lovin'. That's not how Our Almighty Dollar wanted it." It was that charm and power to turn a phrase that got Cholly his interview at Raging Titter. What actually got him his job is another tale altogether.

Cholly's plight with his former career reminded me of something from the "T-files".

I deal in filthy greens
and poisonous liquid browns.
I deal in smoke
and vice.
I broker a shortcut to happiness
or so they think.
I sell them headaches
and candy.

That was written, if you can call it that, a very long time ago when I felt particularly guilty about working in a liquor store. Has everyone had a job that made them feel guilty? Or does everyone experience that at every job, if they stay long enough? Do cashiers ever feel guilty as they mechanically swipe some nogged-out shopper's fifth try at the right credit card? Is job guilt universal? Or is it just me and Cholly?

Anywhore, Cholly's brought a lot of spectacular ideas and a digital camera with him, so get ready for a new era of Tit with a capital T. Oh yeah, and his camera puts us closer to that Squadcast picture discussed earlier.

***Out of Touch Music Review***
1994's Concrete Blonde: Still in Hollywood
Can you legally marry someone's voice?

A microphone stands in his way............

2005-12-05T20:15:00.000-08:00

Don't let them tell you any different, podcasting is hard. "You can do it with any microphone!" I call Bullshit on that. If you want it to sound even remotely tolerable, you can't use a pc mic.

Also, Audacity is not that easy to use. Microsoft Recorder is easy to use. I can't believe I just championed a Microsoft product. HolyButtFuckingShit. Oh yeah, and Ourmedia.com? Try getting that bullshit to work.

Alright, enough bitching there is a silver lining to this podcasting cloud. For one, Podlot.com is going to get my business for hosting the mp3 files. Wanna know why? No Bandwidth Limitations. Everything was a helluva lot easier after I found this tutorial. Feedburner's are pretty good too.

Despite not being able to put together my own podcast, and thus begin my very own media empire, I have found some more podcasts. Wait a second, can I call it, "Empire of The Tit"? Awesome.

Newly discovered podcasts rocking "Empire of The Tit".
Geek Counterpoint is simply great. It's interesting and quick. I recommend listening to it on the ride home when you're tired of the news. I recommend this podcast to all my xgf's mothers.

Quick Hitts has completely replaced Free Talk Live as my libertarian ear injection. It's funny and smart, you know, like the shows on ABC. Only difference, Quick Hitts is both of those things in this reality.

Newly discovered podcasts banished from "Empire of The Tit".
Satyrcast is something that I desperately wanted to enjoy. Like that cheerleader in high school.
Just like the cheerleader, it seems like there's potential with this gang of overmodulating "pagans". However, The first episode had all the charm of a kegger in a dorm room. And I can make that joke, because I went to college in the very city where Satyrcast "happens". If you come across this, let it marinate until show...I don't know...nine.

***Out of Touch Movie Review ***
1990's I Come In Peace
No, it isn't a porno. It's actually a decent sci-fi thriller.
And my dad made that porno joke already. Back then.

No News is Good News....

2005-11-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, the Readership of Raging Titter has spoken. No more news blogging. Apparently it's "lame" and I "suck at it".

Just a quick one tonight I have to go watch the latest episode of Autopsy and Tits. No I mean CSI. Or was it Nip/Tuck? Shit, I can't remember. The waitress at Denny's thought one of them was funnier. You'll figure it out. First one to figure it out and post their answer in a comment wins a free paperback copy of William Shatner's Man O' War. I scratched and clawed my way to the middle of this book. I couldn't decide if it was getting dumber or if it was me.

Okay, if you're are narcissistic retard like yours truly here, you've undoubtedly fed the name of your blog/website to Google. You wanted to see what it puked up. It's cool. I'm not making any judgments. I come up with six or seven hits depending on wind speed and direction. And believe it or not one of them has nothing to do with "The Big Tit" here. Yes, it's porn. Not just porn, a gigantic advertisement for porn. A recently concluded survey of readers of this blog could positively state the following: "it's the ass end of the internet" and "they got the mad porn hook-up, yo".

Unfuckingbelievable.

I knew there was a reason I didn't tell my grandmother I had one of these. Yeah, it was great. I just couldn't wait for the day I heard my grandmother scream the word "PORNOGRAPHER" from my cell phone.

***Out of Touch Television***
1983's Manimal
I can't be the only one that remembers this shit.
Whatever happened to Simon MacCorkindale anyway.

Pickled Egg Salad Sandwich.............

2005-11-24T04:08:00.000-08:00

I'm a little cranky, so Raging Titter proudly presents, a list of people getting served shit sandwiches.

The federal government got into the spirit of giving earlier than usual this year and finally cut american citizen Jose Padilla a break. If being cut a break means being indicted. After three years held in "enemy combatant status", Padilla has been charged with conspiracy. Apparently more amorphous charges were not available due to the holiday.

GM began wishing good will toward men in the form of a massive layoff. As it turns out, GM stock is a helluva barometer for the larger economy.
A few more instruments of Economic measurement:

Halliburton
Ford
Seagram

By the way, the ongoing war in Iraq started officially on March 19, 2003. And I don't mean to imply that there's some kind of conspiracy between the government and Halliburton. I'm just pointing out that the war has been a lot better for Halliburton than it's been to 49 families from my state.

Alright, I'm letting my mood get to me. I can't end the post this way. I think I'm going to listen to the latest Digital Flotsam again. There's some fairly soothing thoughts in there. That goes for the latest Huna Trainer as well.

***Out of Touch Toy Talk***
Tickle Me Elmo?
What were people thinking?

And on the ninth day Santa Claus created credit card debt.......

2005-11-20T09:32:00.000-08:00

Just a quick reminder: Only 35 days left to jumpstart the economic outlook of 2006 with your credit card debt.

If you're like me, you love Netflix. If you're even more like me, you've been waiting weeks for a Frontline documentary titled Is Wal-Mart Good for America? And if your just like me, your dumb ass stumbled on to the fact that a significant number of Frontline documentaries are available as streaming video, including the one on Wal-mart. I recommend 2004's Secret History of Credit Cards.
I've also found a great new tool on the internet called writeboard.com. It's really slick for collaborative projects and it' about to spark the addition of another group of links here at Raging Titter.
Oh, and since squadcast has no idea who I am, I'm issuing myself a squadcast challenge. I will take a squadcast picture in front of the statue of Chief Oshkosh before Christmas.

Continuing with The last posts theme of underappreciated internet pioneers, I'd like to take this opportunity to send all 3 of my readers to check out Steph the Geek. This is a good looking site with a fairly unique user interface. This girl works the internet like nobody's bidness. Give her site a look through and buy some of her jelly.

If you're a devil duckie fetishist like me, I encourage you to check out Captain Quack. I received exceptional service from them and they've got a huge selection.

***Out of Touch CD Review***
Living Colour: 1988's Vivid
Damn but they did rock hard. Too bad Keenan Ivory Fuckbutter used the name for his lameass sketch comedy debacle.

I got two stoned guys and a microphone.........

2005-11-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

Podcasting, you've heard about it, and if you haven't, welcome back to the world Dracula. How was your year long sleep? In the wake of podcastings popularity some pioneers have been forgotten. Two burners named Creon and Rhino lead the charge into podcasting episodic-style with their show, My Bong Runs Linux. The show was available on Live365 until somewhat recently, now all that's left is a dead blog. Huh, they seemed to be on the cutting edge of that little bit of the internet too. What happened to Creon and Rhino? In short, no one fucking knows. So take a moment and honor the memory of these two pathcutters as you listen to your favorite podcast today. Or better yet, raise your joint up high tonight and give up the thanks, bitch, to Creon and Rhino.

***Out of Touch Movie Review***
I remember it being funny, but I was 10.
**1987's MUNCHIES**

I don't know about you, but I've been mainlining EVOO.....

2005-11-10T10:52:00.000-08:00

Gas prices have been falling in my neck of the woods and an informal and completely unscientific study at gasbuddy.com shows gas prices dropping in several other parts of the country. Combine the falling gas prices with the discovery of bin Husin's lair and subsequent death; you've got a recipe for a smokescreen. And what is it exactly that the smokescreen is meant to obscure? That's right, the coming olive oil shortage. California will become the next big olive oil producer, which will allow the red states to finally accept olive oil as it will no longer be associated with "the dirty Greeks". Dear reader you're now staring directly into the next bunch of organized looting to be perpetrated on us faithful and loyal Murikans.

***Out of Work Investor Corner***
Penny Stock of the Day

ACT Teleconferencing Inc.

Discount Plumbing Supplies and Easy Recipes.......

2005-11-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just got this google adsense thing placed and damned if every one of my ads isn't something about... b word rhymes with log... So from now until the end of time I'll be referring to what I do on this site as "cleaning the toaster oven with a high tech discount clothing video game pet needs overstocks". That might seem like a mouthful, but you don't realize how horrible it is being pigeonholed by your google ads. It's terrible, I might just want to join the ACLU about this. By the by, if you aren't using AskMetafilter every day, you just aren't living.

Man I blog once a quarter why don't I get more hits.........

2005-11-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

Oh Horrible Circumstances Of Fate. I've lost a job opportunity and now the future looks mighty uncertain and bleak. Whatever shall I do (lays hands on head) . I'ma act like Don Corleone just finished shaking the shit out of me and telling me to act like a man. I'ma do like T.Robz told me. I'ma choose the only choice. I'ma go A-team on this bitch. Using the limited resources at my disposal effectively and efficiently I'll whip up a super duper bad guy stomping whirlymagig. I'm gonna have a plan and I sure as fuck "ain't gettin on no plane." I'll bet you that Eddie Money knows sometimes doing the 12 stupidest things you can think of leads to genius. Well, or it leads to this. I'm gonna make my money the old fashioned way, without leaving the house. Plus I'm writing a movie and I'm blogging about it. Every last hem and haw about whether or not I should call the protaganist Steve. Do you know what an idiot going 300 miles an hour can do? That's right baby, a lot of damage.